Fifty Shades Darkest
by AmyGreySteele
Summary: Christian's controlling nature has shaped Ana's new strong personality. Ana is now a rich CEO. She and Christian, divorced for 2 years after a 15 year marriage. In the last couple months of their marriage Christian was controlling and abusive, however in Christian's eyes the punishment was consensual. Now Ana begins her journey of healing and Christian seeks forgiveness. HEA.
1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1

* * *

I sat there smoking a cigarette, it's dark and the day had been long. Smoking isn't a frequent habit of mine, I just have one or two every month of so. On the days when the stress is just too much. A world of mergers and acquisitions isn't the most fulfilling thing in the world. Maybe I should pick out a couple hobbies, but come on Ana lets be honest with our self you know full and well you have no time for that. No you wont make time for that. I like to keep busy with work it keeps my mind off things. Bad things.

I pour myself a shot of bourbon and replace the glass cork it makes a clink. I hate noise when I'm trying to wallow in silence. I sink back down into the soft sofa the leather cool against my legs.

I'm wearing my aqua blue silk romper, he always said I belong in silk. NO! don't go there, I grab my phone, work, work always takes my mind of things. I have to two e-mails one from Hannah addressing a charity event I have to attend and another from Lin. Oh, how I hate Lin.

* * *

Ana,

Tokyo has agreed to accept your offer, good negotiating. For a second there I thought we were going to loose the deal. I have sent Hannah the papers sign them and overnight them to me by Monday. Congratulations you are now the 9th richest person in the United States. Welcome to the top ten. I assure you it is an exclusive club. Relax Ana your fine. You should stop working so much.

Lin Perkins

Lead negotiator and executive account manager.

* * *

Lin my faithful second hand does everything for me, I could ask that boy to skydive of a cliff for my entertainment and he would probably do it. But, for legal reasons I don't think doing that would be wise. Why do I hate Lin? I don't know I don't particularly hate him, he just annoys me.

I quickly type an e-mail back to him.

* * *

Lin,

I don't like how casual your emails are getting. The papers will be on your desk by Sunday night. Being a multi billionaire has never felt more boring. As always your negotiating skills have been very useful to me.

Anastasia Steele

CEO of Steele Inc.

* * *

I should go to sleep it's already two am and I have to go to Theo's game tomorrow. I get up and stubble into my bed and collapse. The silence being too much I turn on my iPod and the first some to come on is "Can't Remember to Forget You" by Shakira.

"SERIOUSLY! WOW, WOW OKAY" I shout.

After twenty minutes of listening to music and thinking of everything but what I want to think about I realize I'm not going to get to sleep tonight if I don't think about it. Ana you have to think this through and let your mind rest. It's not going to be so bad, come on the sooner you stop trying to not think about it and go over it in your mind you will relax.

Okay, I let it in, okay I clearly lied to myself when I said this wouldn't hurt. How can it be this bad after two years? What did I do wrong? I submitted didn't I? I became everything he needed, wanted, asked. I would have done anything and everything. I DID DO ANYTHING AND EVERYTHING. I let him beat me, well he didn't call it that. HE called it punishment. For what? Anything and everything, after all he is a spur of the moment kind of man. NO ANA stop, this isn't your fault he is the one who couldn't keep it in his pants.

With that I let out a breath and let myself travel back in time to that day.

* * *

"Ana I told you not to see him again!" Christian yelled. "Your mine not his".

"He's my friend, its Jose, its not like he is trying to get in my pants. I'm married with a son!" I shouted. Why can't he understand that I need friends of the male variety too? I knew this would happen I should have just told Jose that I couldn't meet him.

"Where are you going?" I run after him, wrapping my robe around me.

"Out" he grabs his grey jacket and heads for he elevator.

"OUT! To what? Meet up with bitch troll Elena?"

He is silent for a while as he waits for the elevator. I know he is going to her, run into her child molesting arms. As the elevator arrives with a ding he gets on and says, "You have your friends I have mine" With that being his parting words the elevator door closes.

* * *

It was only later that I found out that he wasn't just going to go talking to her. And how did I find out? I found out though no other then Ms. Robinson herself! Though a e-mail no less! That on that night Christian's affair with Elena Lincoln began.

Maybe if I hadn't met up with Jose and had that argument with Christian then he wouldn't have been unfaithful to me. No! My subconscious screams. If you let him control you like that then you would still be some abuse victim living in fear. Having to think and rethink every single one of your actions, God forbid you would do something to make him angry.

"This is not your fault," I whispered. I focused all the hate and anger left in me on one man, Christian Grey.

With that being my last thought I let sleep take me to a land where pain and fear was omnipresent.

* * *

**AUTHORS NOTE:**

**This is my first fanfic, don't yell at me for tearing Ana and Christian apart a happy ending is guaranteed! I just thought that this would be a change from all of the fluff out there. So is it any good? **

**Updated Authors Note: **

**This chapter is updated I had to fix a couple grammar mistakes that were getting on my nerves. And I took a part out where I mentioned the length of the affair because I didn't like it. Some minor changes near the end. I suggest reading chapter 1 and 2 to get the whole story.**


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

* * *

The sun is out, the sweet smell of food cooking and screaming, a lot of cheering and screaming. I make my way through the crowd of rich soccer moms, trophy wives, and businessmen on their phones. Finally spotting a comfortable place to relax for the next couple hours I make my way to the bleachers and sit on the bench.

I'm sitting in front of a couple of girls, I congratulate myself for picking a spot where I can watch my sons game and simultaneously get some entertainment from the chit chat of teenage girls. I have seen these girls a couple times before, they both attend my sons school

"Abby! Look he is soooooo cute! I want to tackle him." Says a girl dressed in a jersey and red shorts.

"Shut up Olive I can't deal with your incessant babblings about how much you love Theo today," says her friend. This caught my attention, but before I can think about Abby's comment in detail I hear Olivia yell.

"OHH! Look here they come!" and with that the noise level in the field rises to maximum.

I stand up and join the screaming and see my son, run out into the field with his team. I'm so proud of him, I can't believe how much he has grown. Sometimes I still see him as my little boy instead of the 17 year old he is. Sometimes I can't believe that I raised such a strong son. I still remember how mature he was when I finally made the choice to leave his father.

* * *

"Mom, whats happening?" Theo says with confusion in his eyes.

"We are leaving. You have to trust me right now. You can stay here with your father or you can trust me and come with me, it's your choice. No matter who you choose, you can still visit and spend time with the other. But right now Mom has to move on," I force the words out, hoping not to shatter my sons heart. I don't want to make him choose and pick favorites, but I can't continue to live here. I can't continue to live with a man who I don't love and who doesn't love me.

"Okay, where are we going?" I relax at his words and let out a breath that I have been holding for way too long.

"Go pack a bag I have to talk to your dad, I know this is confusing I love you so does he. I promise I will explain everything to you later. Now go," I say with all the love and strength I can muster up.

With that said Theo walks of to his room.

Ten minutes later I stand outside Christian's office and build up my courage. My Inner Goddess is nowhere to be found, she probably made a run for it. My subconscious screams to have a backbone and go in there and do what has to be done. With that I let out a breath and barge into his office.

"We need to talk," I spit "Now!" I'm done being afraid to say something wrong. I'm going to say what I want from now on. I'm no longer going to censor myself for his sake.

"Ana I'm busy right now, we can talk later," Christian sits on his chair with his feet up. He doesn't even bother to look up from the computer screen to acknowledge my existence.

"Oh really, with what Ms. Robinson?" Now that got is attention his head shoots up and he stares at my face with his steel grey gaze. He mutes the phone and before he can say anything I continue "Yeah she told me about your little affair, she even sent me a pretty picture of you guys kissing, and a nice little detailed paragraph about how ha—"

"Ana stop! I told you we will talk later, I'm busy now. I don't know what you and Elena have been talking about but this isn't between you and her it is between you and me." After he says that he goes back to his phone call and his computer screen.

"Listen to me Mr. Christian Grey, I have taken so much shit from you over the last couple years, that's coming to a end. I filed for divorce and Theo is coming with me!" With that said I make my way out of his office slamming the door to go get my son and leave.

* * *

I was brought back to the lacrosse game when Jake tapped my shoulder. Jake is my bodyguard. After a competitor tried to kill me so my stock would take a plunge I realized I needed a security team. Jake has been with me for just over a year and I trust him with my life and my sons life.

"Ms. Steele" He says over the screaming crowd "there is a reporter here who wants to talk to you, It's about you son, apparently the school is letting the Times do a article on the team, would you like me to take back a message or would you like to talk to him?"

"Yeah, I'll go speak to him" This better not be another leech looking for a cover story. I hate reports they exploit everything and everyone to get a story. I will personally destroy this man and make sure the only story he will ever write will be about alien invasions in his mother's basement if he uses my son to get to me.

"I'll send him over"

"No, I think I'll get up and go to him" I'm bored as is sports aren't really my thing. But I want to support my son, everything I do is for him.

I make my way through the crowd of faces focused on the field with Jake by my side. I spot the man with the huge camera dressed in a shirt with the collar open and black dress pants. He looks good. Men don't usually catch my attention; Christian officially ruined me for other men. But the reporter has something about him.

As I approach him his face brightens up "Hello I'm Fitz, Fitzgerald Blake, with the LA Times. I was hoping to ask you a few questions," He says with one of the biggest smiles I have ever seen.

I look him over he is a ruggedly handsome man and muscular hard to believe him as a reporter, he looks more like a construction worker. He has square glasses, which remind me of Clark Kent. He has a beautiful mop of brown hair on his head and his build is very tall.

"Sure, I would love to answer any questions." I say with a smile and add "if this has anything to do with my career and status, if you are just trying to get your fifteen minutes of fame by using my life, and your using my son to get to me. I will personally destroy everything you have worked so hard to get" I still have my smile on but my eyes say I mean business.

He looks shocked, most people are when they talk to me.

"Of course I'm kidding, this is off the record right?" I add with a laugh, but my eyes are still serious.

"Ha ha… Yes of course, I'm sorry.," he says shakily and unsure if he should continue on this path.

"So these questions…" I say impatiently.

"Ah umm yes, What would you say is the hardest part about being the mother of such a dedicated player?" he says still in his initial state of shock.

"Theodore does put a lot of pressure on himself, so the hardest part would be trying to get him to relax and not stress too much. I constantly have to remind him how proud he makes me and his team mates," I say with a smile plastered on my face. I relax and find the reporters anxiousness funny and my eyes match my smile.

"Yes, I completely agree. Your sons a great player, and you're a great mom for not pressuring him like most parents" As he says this, I see him gain back his confidence from my earlier blow. He smiles at me and says "Thanks for taking the time to meet with me" He extends his hand and I shake it, his handshake is firm and confident. I'm intrigued to see how fast he recovered from my threat, not many people can do that.

"Thank you, good luck with your article" I say and walk away, hmm what a shame we had to part ways. I could use a guy like him in my publicity team, not to mention he is great looking. Maybe I'll run into him again someday, I'll leave that up to fate.

The rest of the game went by in a blur, The sharks won and Theo caught a ride with his team to go celebrate their victory. I saw him talking to Olivia, it's nice to see him take interest in a girl. I don't want my relationship issues with his father to ruin the concept of love for him.

I drive home in my convertible with the top down the sun in my face and wind in my hair. Music blasting and sunglasses on I drive down the street at an amazing speed. I turn into my driveway and head inside. I turn on my phone and check to see what e-mails I missed while at my son's game. I don't want to be those people who show up and end up on their phone all day, I want to show my son I support him, so as a rule I keep my phone turned off.

Hannah has send me another e-mail detailing the charity event, its some environmental green event and the guests are required to wear green. I forward the e-mail to my personal shopper and go through some more e-mails and make my way upstairs to get a long soak in the tub and relax

-Christian Grey's Point of View-

"Sir, will you be attending the Green Event this Friday? I checked like you asked and Ana is on the guest list" Taylor my faithful second hand tells me.

"Yes, I will be attending. But Taylor don't rsvp until last minute. If Ana sees I'm attending she won't show, She will send that prick Perkins in her place" I have to take matters into my hands, I have to make things right with Ana. She needs to know the whole story. For the past two years she has been on verbal shut down and all communications have gone thought her lawyer. I need to talk to her. I love her.

I can't believe I just let her walk out of my office that day, I can't believe I didn't run after her. I thought maybe if she got angry enough she would break free of the submissive personality she developed while with me.

She needs to know the truth. Flynn and I have made so much progress, he and I agree that it's time to bring Ana into this.

She needs to understand I never cheated on her physically. Fuck. Elena Lincoln. There was only ever one kiss. I can't believe I was such a dick, I should have talked out my problems with Ana instead of running to Elena. The last couple years of our mirage had been rough, Ana thought she was keeping me happy by submitting to me. But what I loved her for was her defiant personality. I never wanted her to submit to my controlling nature. I need to get her back. I need to talk to her. I need to fix my family.

* * *

**Authors Note:**

**Okay, so I think this chapter sucks, it's basically like filler and back story. It sets up stuff for future chapters. What do you guys think?**


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

* * *

I sat directly under the warm shower stream with my arms around my legs resting my head on my knees. It's Friday evening and I need to be at the Green Event in two hours. The week has been long and tiresome. The last thing I need right now is to go to some charity cause and plaster on a fake smile and talk to stuck up rich people.

I turn the hot water up and for a second I feel like I'm burning but slowly my skin and muscles relax under the cascading water. I debater weather I should stay in the warm embrace of the shower for a couple more minutes or get up and start getting ready. After a minute or two I feel more relaxed and I get up and turn off the water. Opening the glass doors I step out into the cold external environment.

After drying myself off and putting on a silk robe I step out into my room. After my long slower I'm groomed to perfection. Now time to work on my hair and makeup. This is going to take a while.

Thirty minutes later my hair is perfection in loose curls and my makeup consists of big lashes and the perfect shade of matte red lipstick.

There is a knock on my bedroom door and I go to answer it.

"Ms. Steele, Ms. Ella Montgomery dropped this off for you. We will be leaving for the Mosaic Hotel in twenty minutes if that's okay with you," Jake hands me a white garment bag and a box of shoes.

"Thank you Jake, twenty minutes is fine. Will that be all?" I say as I take the bag and box from his hands.

"Yes, that's everything Ms. Steele. I do remind you that the vultures will be circling today not to mention the press coverage," He says and exits my room with the nod of his head.

I toss the bag on the bed and open it, Ella Montgomery my personal shopper does wonders for my wardrobe. Shopping is not really my thing so I don't know what I would do without Ella. Inside the bag I find a long emerald green silk dress with a deep v neckline. I pick it up to inspect it further and discover it's a halter dress without a back and a long slit up to mid thigh on the left side. Its beautiful, classy, and sexy all at the same time. Once again Ella has out done herself. I put on my dress and open the box to find a pair of strappy white louboutins that are sky high. I put them on, grab my clutch and head out the door to find Jake outside standing outside a limo.

"Ms. Steele, we are going to be late," Jake says as he opens the limo door.

"It's always good to be fashionably late," I say and smile.

"Yes ma'am" Jake answers and closes the door and walks over to the front passenger side and gets in.

After a long dive we finally arrive at the Mosaic and I already see the crowd of photographers standing around the entrance of the hotel. A young couple are getting their photo taken while reporters buzz around them. I take in a deep breath and let it out. Fake smile Ana. I plaster on the best smile I can manage and step out of the car. With Jake by my side clad in his black suit and ear piece. I make my way though the reporters, photographers, and cameramen.

"Ms. Steele, Ms. Steele, Ms. Anastasia Steele!" reporters yell my name. I smile and continue walking toward the entrance of the hotel. I stop and smile for pictures. As I walk thought the large glass doors of the Mosaic the room goes to a hush. I can hear people whisper my name and steal glances my way. That's unusual I think to myself. I am one to make a entrance, but not one of this caliber.

I smile and make my way though the people to my table. Tonight is fifty thousand dollars per plate, this better be entertaining. I find my table and sit down. I'm seating in one of the front tables right by the podium. There are already a couple people in my table chit chatting away, and they greet me with a hello and a smile.

After a while the crowd settles down and I still catch people stealing glances at me. This is getting weird. Why am I the center of attention right now? And right then and there my question is answered.

As the crowd stands and applauds a stunningly handsome man who enters the room he gracefully walks over to the podium, I sit there shocked. He is wearing a beautiful forest green suit and a grey tie. I quickly snap out of my state of shock and stand up and put on a fake smile and applaud.

The man approaches the podium and makes the opening remarks "Welcome ladies and gentleman thank you for attending our event tonight. The Green Event is overwhelmed by the turn out and money it has raised today, this money will go towards saving our planet and ensuring the future of the next generation. One behalf of Green I would like to thank you all for being the very generous and taking the step by becoming one of the saviors of our planet."

After making the opening remarks the man walks over to my table and is greeted by the other guests and finally walks over to the empty sheet next to me. OH! You have got to be kidding me, no Ana don't show any shock! I put on a fake smile and give him my best steel stare, the one I only bring out when I threaten my enemies. The one that says I will destroy you.

He extends his hand and says "Ms. Steele".

My facial expression tells him I have no intention of taking his hand so he backs down. But I am in public so I have to play nice.

"Hello Mr. Grey" I say and widen my smile.

* * *

Authors Note:

I an overwhelming happy about the positive feedback and reviews my story has gotten. Not to mention the number of people who have read it. Thank you so much for your positivity even though you may not like some of the plot choices I make I hope you all continue reading. Please review to let me know if I'm doing a good job or not.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

* * *

Grey holds out my chair for me and pushes it in as I take my seat. He gracefully takes his own seat and looks at me. I notice most of the crowd is directly staring at us or indirectly and discreetly glancing out way. So this is why I was getting looks since I arrived. What in the hell. Why do I pay Lin for if he can't double check the guest list for my events and make sure Grey isn't on them? The press is going to have a field day with this. What is my son going to think? I sure as hell have no intention in making nice with his father.

I sit there contemplating all these questions and feelings of anger I have toward Grey. If I weren't in public right now I swear I would inflict some serious pain on him. Pure hate that is what I feel for this man right now.

As the final speeches are made and the crowd is told to have a wonderful dinner and mingle, I sit there ready to bolt. Seconds after the closing remarks end, I see dinner being served and a few people getting up and wandering over to other tables to introduce themselves to the rich and famous of California.

I put on the best straight face I can muster up and get up to leave. But before I can leave the table one of the guests stops me.

"Ms. Steele, leaving so soon?" I recognize the women who says it, she is one of my competitors, oh I bet she is having a great time watching this.

I put on my polite face and say, "Yes, sadly I don't have time to be fraternizing. You would know if you ran a empire as big as mine".

With that being my parting words I leave the table and make a beeline to the exit of the room. Outside I see Jake patiently waiting for me.

"What the hell do I pay you people for if you can't do your job!" I yell. "How hard is it to check a guest list and make sure my snake of a ex husband isn't on it?!"

Fear is what I see in Jake's face "Ma'am, Lin assured me that Mr. Grey would not be attending tonight".

"Oh! Lin assured you. Lin assured you. Okay go call Lin and find out how the fuck he was able to ASSURE you," I scream at him hysterically. I need a moment, I need a breather.

"I'm going to the ladies pull the car out back, I don't need the press seeing me making a run for it just cause my ex is here," I stomp over to the bathroom doors and I push them open so hard they make a loud thud as they hit the walls. I run over to the sink and brace myself against the marble counter cool against my palms and look at my reflection in the mirror.

Why does he still affect me like this? I hate him but I still love him. We were married for so long, he was kind, and loving. We had a child together! He was a wonderful husband on all accounts and we were hopelessly in love. How can time change so much? How can I hate him so much right now when a few years before I adored him? My subconscious supplies me with the answer, its because he didn't know how to keep it in his pants. It's always the same reason, its always cause Ms. bitch troll Robinson. She always finds a way to ruin everything. And he gives her the opportunities by running to her every time the going gets rough.

Was I not good enough, the old Ana would have said maybe he went to her because he wanted to let out his beast to release the stress by beating the shit out of her. But why would he need to go to her, when I gave him everything he needed and craved? I let him control me in the name of safety and I let him punish me because I crossed some arbitrary line. I find it sick that he loves to inflict pain. I find it sick that I stayed with him for so long and let him do that to me. It shows how much I loved him.

I should go before someone walks into the ladies room and sees him in this state. I grab and towel and soak it in some cold water and pat my face, just as I hear someone enter the room. Damn it! I turn around with my best polite face ready to leave. When I realize its Christian. I drop the towel in my hand, ready to kill him. I know Taylor has to be somewhere outside the ladies room barricading the door so I let it out. I march over to him and let him have it.

I punch him as hard as I can. I bruise my knuckles in the process, but at least I drew some blood on his side. His lip is bleeding and I can start to see the swelling around his jaw.

"How dare you show your face to me?" I scream. "Haven't you done enough? Or is humiliating me in front of a room full of people and press on your list to?"

"Ana please listen to me, I need you to listen to me right now" He begs me.

"No, why should I? I already know everything that happened! You couldn't wait a few minutes and keep it in your pants so you could come home and stick me so you just stuck it in the closest thing you could find". With that I grab my clutch off the counter and start to walk towards the door. But before I make it, he grabs the hand I punched him with. Pain sears though me. I let out a screech and pull my hand back to me to inspect it. It looks fine just a little bruised, maybe I dislocated a finger.

Christians face turns even more depressed and hopeless "I hurt you, I'm sorry let me see".

"You hurt me? Your concerned because the right hook I gave you hurt me? What about all the times you whipped me? Were you concerned then?" His face develops frown lines.

"Ana that was below the belt and you know it. We were both consenting adults, you know I would have never touched you if you said no."

"If I said no you would have ran to someone else to satisfy your needs. Oh wait you did that anyways," I spit out, how dare he act like this is my fault. I make my way to the door again.

"Ana wait! That's where you are wrong, I never slept with Elena."

This stopped me dead in my tracks. What? Confusion fills my face and mind. What? He has to be lying, what is his game? To lie and get me back so he can use me to fulfill his controlling needs?

"There was only ever one kiss, I didn't know she would take a picture of it and send it to you. I wanted to stop you and tell you the truth that day in my office but I didn't think you would run away and block me out of your life forever." I stand with my back to him facing the door my hand on the handle. I can feel his tension the hope he has in him that I will turn back and forgive him or at least talk to him.

"Please you have to believe me, we have to talk. Ana please don't let a misunderstanding ruin us. Don't let Elena win." I feel everything his anticipation and desire that I will come back to him.

"I can't right now I'm busy," with that I open the door and leave I catch a glance of a frowning Taylor standing to the right of the door. I make my way to one of the staff exits and go though it to find myself in a narrow hallway, thank God its empty.

I'm confused and scared and confused again. Is what he is saying true? Even if it is true I can't just go back to talking to him again. I need to take a breather. I need to think some things over. Was I the one to ruin our marriage? No screams my subconscious even if he didn't cheat he still punished you and ignored you. But would things have changed if I knew he didn't cheat?

I see a figure approaching me in my peripheral vision and I quickly look the other way and blink away my tears. I swiftly gather my emotions and put on a smile and look up. Oh, I don't have the energy for this, please let this man keep walking. As the figure gets closer and I realize who it is, my inner goddess pokes her head out of the hole she has been living in for the past two years.

"Oh, its you" I say shakily.

-Christian Grey's Point of View-

I watched Ana walk out of the room, with her parting words being I can't now I'm busy. Suddenly the irony of it struck me. Those had been the exact words I had told her that day when she wanted to talk things though. I told her that I was busy and sent her away. Who knew it would be two years before I could speak to her again?

I need to get her back. Taylor enters the room.

"Sir, I suggest you give her some space, she needs to process some of the emotions she is feeling right now," his wise voice says. "She will come around and at the least talk to you, but right now you don't want to overwhelm her".

Taylors voice of reason wins over in my mind "Your right, lets go" as Taylor turns to walk to the door I say "do you ever think she can forgive me after everything I did to us?" This was the million-dollar question. I was stupid for asking Taylor how in the world would he know. But right now more then anything I needed reassurance if not from Ana from anyone.

Taylor turns around and says "Sir, the heart is a fool. Logic doesn't always rule how we feel towards a person. Even if it is irrational and stupid to have positive feelings toward someone you have been hurt by its not impossible. Like I said the heart is a fool, but in the long run it usually wins out."

* * *

Authors Note:

I tired my best to make the chapter longer by including more of Ana's thoughts. In your reviews I see a lot of confusion about the divorce the motives behind it and ect. I will be clearing that up in the next chapter. I just didn't want to write an Authors Note answering your questions I wanted to work in the answers into the story itself. So patients. What did you guys think?, your reviews go a long way. 3

P.S. Excuse my grammar/ spelling mistakes, I don't re read my writing to check it. I usually write and then post.


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

* * *

"Yeah its me," he says with a smile and strides over to me.

"What are you doing here?" I say as I look into his emerald green eyes.

"I'm a reporter, I come to events and do stories on them," he replies his tone full of sarcasm and humor. His eyes wrinkle as he smiles, he is sort of cute in a way I think to myself.

"Yes, I understand the concept," I say as he leans against the wall opposite of me. Getting a closer look at me Fitz realizes that something is wrong. His face wrinkles with concern "are you okay?"

"Yeah, I'm fine," I say quickly and brush away the loose strands of hair from my face and tuck them tightly behind my ears.

"You hand doesn't look find," he points at my hand. "What happened?"

I look at him and said "I'll give you ten guesses". I shifted on my feet, geez theses shoes are getting painful to walk in.

"Ex husband drama huh?" the whole press outside is with the buzz of Christian Grey and Anastasia Steele reunion. "Don't worry I don't plan on exploiting your distress by writing a story about this".

"Believe me if you decided to do that you wouldn't make it out the door".

"You like to threaten people don't you," he laughs.

I purse my lips and raise my eyebrows. No one talks to me like that after I threaten them. The usual response is fear or shock not laughter. I find Fitz's confidence amusing.

I shift on my feet again. These shoes are getting annoying I make the move to bend down and take them off but before I can Fitz stops me.

"Let me," he says and gets down on one knee. I humor him and lift my leg towards him. His cool fingers glide over my smooth skin towards the straps of my shoe. My inner goddess is swooning as she climbs out of her hole. Even my subconscious is watching what is going on. Fitz makes quick work of the straps and gets up. He hands me my shoes and says, "There, better now?"

"Yes much, thank you," I say politely and tuck my hair behind my ears again. "I should be going now". I start to make my way towards the exit when Fitz stops me.

"Hey, here is my card. You know, if you feel like threatening someone again you could always give me a call. Good night Anastasia," I take the card from his hand and he winks.

"Yeah, I'll keep that in mind and call me Ana" I laugh and walk to the car. My inner goddess is primping and officially coming out of her two years of heartbreak and forlornness. My thoughts linger on the mysterious and kind reporter Fitzgerald Blake all throughout the drive home. However I'm torn from my fond illusion when my cell phone buzzes. Its Christian, what does he want? And with that my bliss disappears and my mind is filled with hate, confusion, and anger.

I make my way up to my bedroom and strip and get dressed into something more comfortable. I need to talk things though. I need to make sense of everything that has happened today. I pick up my phone and contemplate calling my best friend Kate. Finally I make up my mind and decide talking about how I feel may clear up the confusion I have inside my mind right now.

I go to my contacts and find Kate press her name then with a deep breath I press call. Oh no here comes the Kate Kavanagh inquisition.

"Ana? Is everything alright?" Kate's voice is groggy. Oh, Obviously she's asleep it's almost one am. What was I thinking?

"Yes, everything is all right, I'm sorry I didn't realize how late it was until I heard your voice. I'll call you back tomorrow go back to sleep" I whisper so I don't disturb her state of relaxation even further.

"No I'm already up, whats up?" Kate says. She senses my hesitation and says "Ana listen it's super annoying when people wake me up in the middle of the night to tell news and decide not to share it, so spit it out".

"Okay, I just have to talk to you. I need someone to listen and maybe give me advice and tell me I'm not crazy," I say as I lie down on the middle of the bed and exhale.

"You know I'm here for you, is this about the divorce have you finally decided to tell me whats going on with that?" Kate asks almost excited.

"Yeah" I say.

"OOK FINALLY!" Kate yells. "Oh, shit Eliot I'm sorry, god back to sleep," hold on Ana I just need to get out of my room.

"Yeah I don't want to be responsible for ruining Eliot's night too," I saw as I laugh.

"Okay I'm good, to recap Anastasia Steele is finally going to reveal why she has been broken up with her husband for the past two years correct? Or am I going to get the same old story you gave me two years ago?" Kate says annoyed. "You know the one where you said 'his lifestyle isn't for me anymore and I have just lost interest'".

"Kate, I know you have been really patient and stuck by me though thick and thin. Even when I wasn't completely honest with you, I just want to talk to for being there for me, and putting up with my shit" I say grateful for such a good friend who else would wake up at one am to listen to another persons issues?

"Okay Ana spill whats wrong, do I need to kick some Grey ass?" She says trying to lighten the mood with a little Kavanagh humor.

"Okay, the real reason I broke up with Christian is because he had an affair, but now I'm not sure" I hear Kate gasp.

"What do you mean your not sure?"

"Well I originally found out about the affair when his whore Elena Lincoln sent me a e-mail with a photograph of them kissing and a very descriptive paragraph of what followed the kissing. When I confronted him and wanted to talk to him, he said he was busy and that we would talk about it later. I was just so sick of taking his shit and so I left. All further communications went though our lawyers, and I haven't spoken to him since that day. Until I ran into him yesterday." I blabber out, I can't get the words out fast enough. It feels amazing to tell Kate I feel like I have someone to share this burden with, someone I can be completely honest with, completely free with. I stop my rambling and take in some more oxygen.

"So what happened when you ran into him?" Kate says eager to hear the rest of the story.

"He told me that he never cheated on me with Bitch Troll physically" I say.

"Did you ever confirm you suspicions about the affair or was the only proof you had the e-mail?"

"The e-mail and the photo was the only thing I had," I say thinking how stupid I had been for believing Ms. Robinson! "At the moment it never occurred to me that Bitch Troll could be lying". I say feeling like a idiot. "Kate did I break apart my family for no reason?" I say on the brink of tears.

"No, Ana stop. You loved Christian you wouldn't have just left without figuring out the truth if there wasn't something else influencing your decision". Says Kate's comforting voice. "So aside from the alleged affair. What else was bothering you?"

"Kate you know about Christians lifestyle. We were married for almost fifteen years. The majority of those years were amazing. He was and is still a great father to Theo and he was a great husband to me. But…" I pause.

"But?" Kate voice is a whisper.

"But during the last couple of years in our marriage, he became very controlling." I said my eyes tearing up. I feel a mix of emotions love, hate, anger, and fear about what is to come.

"What do you mean controlling?" Kate asks.

"For one thing he was very jealous when I talked to people of the opposite sex. I went though a bucket load of male bosses just because Christian didn't like me having male friends or acquaintances. What I saw as an innocent friendship he saw as attraction. So, he asked me to start working from home. He said that it was for my safety, but I knew it was so he could keep a closer eye one me." I say "I fought the idea for a while, but one day I just got tired of arguing and I agreed. I mean at the time I thought, how bad could it be? But his controlling didn't stop there." I say.

"That asshole I'm about to go find him and give him a piece of my mind. Then kick him in the –" I cut Kate off.

"Before you light your torches and get you pitch forks can I finish?"

"Go on Steele". She says clearly outraged on my behalf.

"So like I said after I started working from home. My life was pretty boring I mean the only friends I had where you guys and Jose" I say remembering the dark days of our marriage, when it all started going downhill.

"So one day I went out with Jose and a couple of his friends to get some drinks and when I came home Christian was outraged and left to get a drink. I knew he was going to run to Bitch Troll". I take in another deep breath "When he came he smelled of liquor and he was drunk".

"So that's when you think the affair started?" Kate asked.

"I never thought he would seek sexual solace from her, I just thought he would seek some emotional comfort. I was afraid she would turn him into what he used to be, he made so much progress during our mirage. I didn't want her to ruin it all so I decided I would be what he wanted so he would never go back to her again" I say and I pause for a couple minutes.

Kate breaks the silence "When you say 'what he wanted' you mean the punishment shit right?" I nod.

"Yes" I say and tell Kate my about my darkest days "the next day he was furious and wanted to punish me for my behavior, so I agreed" I say as the tears stream down my cheeks. "And I agreed to every time after that, I hated every second of it, but I thought if only I could make him happy by giving him what he needed, he wouldn't run to that old wrinkly hag".

"Oh Ana. Did he ever do anything to you that you did want him to?" Kate spoke it out loud the question that I never asked myself.

It was time to face my demons, it was time to answer the question I have suppressed for two years. I took a deep breath and looked inside my mind for the answer. "Not really, I agreed to everything, the punishment. But I did not like how it felt when he beat the shit out of me for crossing some arbitrary line and then decided to make love to me like everything was alright".

"So your okay?" Kate asks.

"Yes, I'm okay but my skin crawls when I think okay him like that. I can't imagine him touching me again when I think of how he enjoys to inflict pain on the people he loves".

"Did you plan work, did he stop seeing the whore after you submitted to his sick and twisted will?"

My eyes are finally starting to stop leaking and I say "No he still came home late, he still drank a lot and during the day. He even started taking long business trips."

"So when you got Elena Lincolns e-mail you thought because of all this he was having a affair?" Kate asks.

"Yes" I sniffle "But now he told me that he never cheated on me and I don't know what to believe".

"You have to talk to him," Kate says her voice filled with concern and stress.

"Your right but I can't do it now. I just need some time to think things over," I say shakily.

"Take all the time you need sweetie, but don't put of the inevitable," Kate says. "And Ana I also don't want you to blame yourself for any of this. Even if it comes to light that he didn't have an affair he still neglected you emotionally. I don't want you to pour guilt on yourself. If anyone should be feeling guilt its him," Kate says her voice backed up with heat and anger.

"I don't know Kate, I just don't know" I say more confused then I was when I called her. At least now I feel freer that someone knows the truth about my divorce.

"Well when you do know how you feel call me, anytime, I don't care if you need to talk I'm there for you. I love you" Kate says and yawns.

"Thanks Kate, what did I do to deserve such a good friend like you?" With that we say our goodbyes and I throw my phone on the nightstand and close my eyes. I toss and turn for about thirty minutes before I decide to go get a glass of wine.

As I walk though the hallway down to the stairs I see the light in Theo's room is on. I walk toward his door, knock and poke my head in.

"Hey buddy what are you doing up so late?" I saw squinting to see his face in the dark. The only light coming from his phone.

"I was just texting dad. He told me he ran into you at some party today. He also told me that he is going to take me sailing tomorrow. Aunty Mia is coming and she is bringing Eva. Wanna come?" Theo asks with hope in his eyes.

"No thanks, I have to actually catch up on a couple correspondents tomorrow, but you guys have fun okay". I say.

"Will do mom, dad is awesome" he says then adds "your awesomer".

I smile and say "Get to bed its really late. Especially if your going sailing tomorrow. Isn't there some saying about early morning is the best time for catching fish?"

"Mom, we are going sailing not fishing" Theo shakes his head. "and okay good night mom, I love you"

"Love you to beautiful boy" I saw and close the door on my way out.

I make my way down the spiral stairs and I think to myself even if Christian failed me at least he didn't fail Theo. And I think about the unavoidable conversation I'm going to have with Christian. And that scares me.

* * *

**Author's Note:**

**I hope that cleared up any questions about the divorce on Ana's point of view. I should be doing a Christians point of view soon. ****If you guys have any questions feel free to pm me or leave a review and I'll answer them. Like always I did not re read this to check if everything is grammatically correct so sorry about that. Please review and tell me what you think.**


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6

* * *

It's Thursday afternoon and I have been avoiding the elephant in the room for about six whole days now. Maybe I can go on avoiding it forever. I pick up my phone and scroll through the messages to find the one Christian sent me on Monday. I re read the message for about the hundredth time.

* * *

You can't avoid me forever Anastasia, please consider having dinner with me and we can talk things over.

Looking forward to your reply

Christian Grey

* * *

I can just feel all the hope behind his message. I realize I owe it to myself to get closure. With the support of my subconscious I text him back.

* * *

We can talk, no dinner. Where and when? I'm free tonight.

Anastasia Steele

* * *

I lean back in my chair take a deep breath and press send. I close my eyes and I open the gates that have been holding all my emotions back. I feel anger, love, betrayal, and guilt. Maybe it was me who tore us apart. Maybe if I stayed and talked to him two years ago, then we would still be a family. He did so much for me, he changed so much for me. He didn't change for anyone else, I was the exception, and he loved me. Ana you really fucked it up this time didn't you? But at the same time I feel anger. Anger about how he ran to Ms. Robinson, he promised he would never see that bitch again. It's not even like he was oblivious to her evil manipulative ways. He knew that all she wanted to do was drag him back to his old ways. He knew she wasn't happy with him being in the light. Yet he ran to her anyways, knowing the consequences. I sit there in a state of guilt and anger. I'm furious at him, but at the same time there is still a small part of me that hopes that we could go back to another time. A time when we were happy. Standing in the open with beams of sunlight hitting our faces. Now where are we? He is in the dark and he dragged me down with him.

My phone buzzes and I look at the screen.

* * *

I'm not in LA right now, but I'll fly down as soon as I can. I'll leave the where to you.

Christian Grey

* * *

I read his message a little surprised. He is going to leave the where to me? Is this some sort of ploy to try to get himself back on my good side? Christian Grey, the controlling Christian Grey I remember would have never let me decide anything. He would have just demanded I meet him for dinner. I type him a reply.

* * *

Skybar at the Mondrian. Be there at nine.

Anastasia Steele

* * *

I'll be there.

Christian Grey

* * *

The rest of my day goes by slowly, I'm anxious about meeting Christian and talking things over. It's something I would rather avoid, but I realize I can't just burry myself in work just to keep my mind of this. Well, you can't do that anymore my subconscious scowls.

After a couple hours of work I look at my phone and it's already 7:30pm. I grab my purse, slip my heels on and head out my office door.

"Hannah, go home. It's late" I say to my faithful assistant.

"Thanks, Ana. But I'm going to stay until I finish this. Want me to call Jake to pick you up?" Hannah's perky voice says. I remember a time when I was like Hannah, happy, carefree, energetic, and excited about life and work. I miss that part of me. Now I just feel like a robot walking around watching the days go by.

"Yeah, thanks Hannah" I smile at her and walk towards the elevator. I press the down button and wait a couple minutes for the elevator to arrive. Once I get in I am reminded of the billions of elevator rides I took with Christian. I am reminded of the spark that we used to feel, the amazing connection. Then I'm reminded of every time he punished me and that makes me sick.

I arrive at the Mondrian around 8pm and I walk into the skybar and perch myself on the bar. I order a gin and tonic and grab my phone to text Theo that I'm going to be home late. I feel a tap on my shoulder and I pick my head up to see who it is. I'm rewarded with the ruggedly handsome face of Fitzgerald Blake the reporter. He hasn't shaved and has a little stubble, which makes him look even sexier. He is wearing a suit with his tie loosened and his collar unbuttoned.

"What are you doing here," I say curiously.

"I just wrapped up and interview with an up-and-coming fashion designer, Nicky something." He says, waving his hand casually with a crooked smile "mind if I join you?"

"Not at all," I gesture to the seat next to me.

For about the next hour we sit there looking down at the city and talking. We discuss life, work, and our goals and passions. Fitz wants to become a major voice in journalism, to make a difference and be the voice for the voiceless. He doesn't want to just do puff pieces; he wants to be known and to peruse stories of his own interest. He graduated at Columbia and did his post grad at Yale. He is very philanthropic, which is a trait I respect in him. While I talk to Fitz I'm carefree and I forget about my problems for a couple minutes. It's been such a long time since I sat down with someone and just talked and laughed like old friends. I truly enjoy hearing about his dreams and hopes. I enjoy laughing at his corny jokes, it has been a while since I laughed. I even enjoy arguing with him over trivial matters.

"Anastasia" Christian's voice tears me away from my conversation and carefree mood. I turn my head to face him, giving him my best poker face. The change in my demeanor alerts Fitz about my distress and anxiety.

I am determined to be cold towards Christian. So I choose a formal greeting "Hello, Mr. Grey" and I nod my head.

Fitz sensing that he is intruding stands up and says, "It was nice talking to you Ana, goodnight" with that he shakes my hand and walks away. My eyes linger on his muscular form walking toward the elevator. Christian who steps toward me and takes a seat cuts my view of Fitz short. I look up into his face, at this moment I no longer feel guilty, or self-conscious, I just feel angry at him. For showing his face to me, I'm being so bi polar I think to myself. One moment I take the blame onto myself and the next minute I put it on him. Well I'm getting sick of that, tonight I'm finally going to hear him out and decide who's fault this is.

Christian looks angry, I would bet everything it's because of Fitz. He has no right to be jealous. My inner goddess congratulates me for keeping him on his toes, he deserves it she screams. My subconscious keeps quiet observing what is happening. Finally I break then silence and say "what?"

Christian reels his angry look back in and composes himself before he speaks. "We have to talk".

"I understand that! That is all you have been saying ever since Friday! SO TALK," I snap at him.

Christian looks around the room, only a couple of people are around. And my little outburst seems to have gotten the attention of a few of them. I glare at the strangers looking our way, and they turn back to their conversations.

"Not here, too many witnesses. Unless you want to make the tabloid covers again I suggest somewhere more private," Christian says still looking around room.

"Fine where?" I agree, he is right too many prying ears around us. "But, for your sake I would say having witnesses is a good thing" I look at him rage in my eyes.

"I have a room, come on," He says and gets up offering me his hand, I give him a look and he backs down. I follow him to the elevator. We don't talk. When we get in the silence is magnified about a hundred times. I don't feel our usual spark, the atmosphere around us doesn't change and I don't feel our usually electricity. I never expected to, but I guess a small part of me clung to that familiar experience.

The elevator finally arrives on his floor. The trip which must have been no more then a minute felt like hours. He lets me step out first then follows leading me toward his room. He pulls a keycard out of his jacket pocket and unlocks the door. While he holds it open for me I glare at him and walk in. His room obviously grand, featuring a lounge area and a huge dinning area with a magnificent chandelier hanging from the ceiling. The whole front wall is made of glass and there is a large porch outside the sliding doors. I walk toward the lounge area and sit down on the chaise lounge. I feel Christian's eyes following every move I take. I slowly slip off my shoes and put my legs up on the sofa effectively leaving him no space to join me. I look up at him. He snaps himself out of a trance like state and walks toward me and takes the seat opposite me.

"TALK!" I yell at him startling him. He is unsure on how to handle me right now. Even I'm a little unsure what is going to happen now.

"Ana, I'm sorry but the fault is not entirely mine. You were the one who left two years ago. You were the one who refused to let me explain."

"I left? I LEFT? You left our marriage way before I did. You left to go fuck Elena Lincoln."

I can see how much effort he is putting in to try to remain calm and controlled. "That is one point I would like to discuss today, but before that. I want you to promise me to be completely honest today. I want everything out in the open"

I nod at him silently agreeing.

"I never slept with Elena, I confess to kissing her once. The advance was entirely hers and I stopped it. I didn't know she was recording us."

"Why?" I say, I need to know why I wasn't good enough in the first place. Why he needed to kiss her.

"Why what?" he seems confused.

"Why did you even go to her? Why wasn't I good enough?" I speak the questions that have been haunting me for the past couple years out loud.

"You were good enough, you were perfect" I see pain in his eyes.

"Clearly not, if you had to break my ONLY HARD LIMIT! NO ELENA" I yell, I'm doing a lot of yelling today. I take a deep breath time to let everything out Ana my subconscious says. "You know that night when you went to see her I was so heartbroken, I felt so betrayed. That was the night you left our marriage. I changed myself so much, I put with so much of your shit so you wouldn't ever run to her again. But guess what! You still went to her didn't you!" I scream.

"You changed yourself?" Christian drops his head and rests his elbows in his knees.

"Yes, I did everything in my power to make it work. What did you do?" I stare holes into the top of his head. "SO TELL ME WHY?"

"Why I went to Elena. Ana during the last couple months she served as someone I could talk to. You became so submissive. You turned into," His voice cracks " just another sub". His head still down he continues "I loved you for your defiant spirit, your ability to talk back to me. All that stopped, I didn't want to watch you turn into just another sub so I stayed away"

"I TUNRED INTO JUST ANOTHER SUB! You son of a bitch, I let you beat me, punish me, control me! In hopes of making you happy! AND YOUR SAYING THAT, THAT IS WHY YOU STAYED AWAY? She served as someone you could talk to?! What you couldn't talk to me? YOUR WIFE! And save me all this pain and regret?"

"You regret us?" He says in a voice that would break anyone's heart. But right now I don't care. All I can think of is how he left me because I was TOO SUBMISSIVE. Isn't that what the son of a bitch wanted. So all my pain was in vain. What is wrong with him, is he so emotionally fucked up that he couldn't just talk to me?

"YES! I REGRET EVERYTHING" I stand up. "YOU DESTORYED ME"

I grab my purse and shoes ready to storm out. But before I can leave the room he grabs my arm.

"Please, don't leave" I don't even comprehend his words. All I can think of is his hand on my arm. My skin crawls. It makes me sick.

"Don't touch me!" I shout. He drops me arm and backs away like a hurt puppy.

"What was the purpose of all of this?" I ask. I don't feel like anything has changed from the moment I walked into this room until now. Although now I know one thing for sure. I know without a doubt in my mind that I hate Christian Grey. I swear to myself that I will no longer feel guilty for his mistakes.

"I wanted to fix us," He whispers "but I don't think that is possible"

"You're right"

"Are you still going to avoid seeing me? We are bound to run into each other once in a while" He asks almost hopeful.

"I'll leave that to chance" I walk towards the door and open it. Before I leave I turn back and say, "I understand now, but the answers don't fix anything" With that being my parting words I walk out of the room and let the door shut behind me.

* * *

**Authors Note:**

**The Christian and Ana talk was short I KNOW! but I wrote what flowed out of me, and its not my fault that what flowed was short. Right? lol sorry. REVIEW, i cant stress the importance of reviews. they let me know if i'm doing a good job/bad job and if there is any confusion in the story that i overlooked. 3 And for you grammar nazis out there I actually re-read my story this time before posting!**


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7

* * *

Christian Grey's Point Of View

It's dark. My tummy hurts, it rumbles and grumbles. My throat is dry and my tongue is like sandpaper. I open my eyes, I'm lying on the grimy carpet. The only light in the room is coming from the television. I lift my head up and push myself up. Where is mommy? I rub my eyes. I look around the room. I see her, she is lying on the couch. I get up stumbling a little. I want food I'm hungry. I walk over to mommy and place my hand on her arm and push.

"Mommy, Mommy. I'm huhngee" I tap mommy again. She won't wake up. All she does is give out a low moan. I want mommy to wake up and carry me. I want mommy to make me some food. Something warm, she made me food once but that was a long time ago. I liked that mommy she carried me. Then the man had to come and ruin everything. Then she didn't carry me anymore. I walk to the kitchen and go under the table. I find the bag of peas. I poke it with my index finger hesitantly. I don't like peas, they are cold and hard and taste like water. The bag is soggy, it's not as cold anymore. I pick up and bag and crawl out from under the table back to mommy. I sit down and lean against the sofa mommy is sleeping on. Poking my fingers into the bag I take out a handful of peas, slowly I put one in my mouth. They aren't cold anymore, but it still tastes bad. I look at the television, and see a pretty brown haired woman and a boy sitting on a sofa. She is talking to him. I want mommy to talk to me without crying. I turn around and look at mommy, her eyes are open now but she won't look at me. She is staring into the corner of the room. I wonder if mommy is hungry too. I don't want her tummy to hurt. I pick up a pea from my hand and put it in her mouth. But she doesn't chew it or swallow it, it just sits in her mouth. Maybe mommy doesn't like peas either.

Mommy looks sad. That makes me sad. I don't want her to be sad. I love her. I touch her face with my hand. Mommy's skin is soft, mommy is soft and warm. I want to fall asleep next to mommy instead of the carpet. Her eyes move to my face, then the clock, then the door.

"Go, Christian. Mommy needs to talk to her friend now" I know what that means. He is going to come back, the mean man. I don't like him. He burns me with his smoke pencils. I don't want to get burned. He hurts mommy too. No, I don't want him to hurt mommy! I will protect her. Like superman. Just then the door opens, I see his black boots. He is standing in the doorway looking at me with a smirk.

"Come on bitch lets go, your going to make me some money tonight" the mean man say laughing.

Mommy gets up slowly, she looks like she is in pain. No mommy I don't want you to go. The mean man is looking at me now. Mommy sees him and says, "leave him alone he is just a child"

"Hurry up bitch" He walks over to mommy to pull her up. But no I won't let him hurt her, I'm going to stop him like superman on the television. I get up and push the mean man's legs. He doesn't move, I don't understand why wont it work. He laughs and kicks me in my stomach. It hurts so much. I hear mommy scream but he doesn't stop, he keeps kicking me and stomping on me. I hurt so much. I don't understand why it didn't work. I want to protect mommy. I love her. I hear her screams.

* * *

I wake up in a mess of sheets on the floor. I'm sweating and my body aches. For a second I still feel the residual state of confusion that I felt in my dream. Moving my limbs I force myself to sit up. I lean against the bed and rest my head and arms on my knees. What the hell, I still feel pain all over my body even though the experience is starting to fade now. Another nightmare, I haven't had these since Dr. Flynn prescribed me sleeping pills. Even the pills are wearing off now, what I really need is Ana. I want to feel her body lying next to me. I want to tangle myself with her body. Hold on to her and never let go.

I sit in the dark thinking of the irony of my last thought. Never let go. But I let go, didn't I. I let go of her. How could I be such a stupid fucker and let go of such a beautiful, strong, and intelligent woman? What is wrong with me? I justified all my actions with a couple lies that Elena planted in my head. I believed those lies. I guess if you repeat something a lot to yourself. You start believing it. She was enough for me. How could I ever think she wasn't?

My Ana, what were my reasons for letting you go? I don't even know I guess I spun a few webs to justify my completely stupid actions. Thinking back on it I don't even understand why I would do such a stupid thing. I could of talked to her but I didn't I ran to another woman. I told myself that I stayed away from Ana because I couldn't bear to watch her change so much. I couldn't bear to watch her become so submissive and loose her zeal for life. That's what I told myself, that's what I still tell myself. Then why didn't I go talk to her and tell her? Am I that fucked up? Of course you are Grey. You never deserved such a pure angel in the first place. And when the heavens show you mercy and decide to give you one, what do you do? You destroy her, and turn her into something dark and just as fucked up as you. You created about twenty five shades of fucked-up-ness in her.

Why would I let such a beautiful angle wither away? I pull myself out of my guilt spiral and remember Flynn's words. There is no point in dwelling in the past. Instead think of how you can fix it for the future.

How can I even begin to fix this? Is it even possible? Last night Ana told me it wasn't. I can't just give up. I will FIGHT for her even if it takes me until the day I die. Even if she never comes back to me, I will fight for her. I will fix the wrongs I have committed towards her. Even if I can't restore my pure angle back to the way she was. I am sure as hell going to try to heal the shades I have created in her. Like she healed my fifty shades of fucked up.

The thing that hurts me the most, the thing that tears my heart out is that I hurt her. I never thought Ana would be traumatized by my punishments, or maybe I never let myself think about that aspect. I always assumed if she couldn't take it or if she didn't like it she would safe word. Or even just tell me. But that beautiful angel put up with it to try to keep a hold on me. And what did I do? I ran further and further away.

How can I ever mend such a wrong? She can't even bear my touch. I think about the way she recoiled from me earlier. I feel like all hope is lost, maybe I can't fix this. No Grey! You're doing it again. You stupid fucker, you're abandoning her again. I get up from the floor determined to fight for her. I walk to the other side of the bed picking up my phone from the nightstand. I dial my sister.

"Christian? It's like the middle of the night" I hear Mia's cheery flamboyant voice, even when she is groggy and half alseep my sister manages to stay energetic.

"I need you to get Ana for me" I plead.

"Get Ana for you? What do you want me to tie her up and drop her off at your door?" Mia's puzzled voice says.

I almost let out a snort thinking about how ironic that last statement was. "I need you to get me and her in the same room" I say and let out a breath "do whatever you have to do, party, event, fundraiser, I don't care as long as you get her there. My credit card is at your disposal"

"What is this about? Are you guys getting back together?"

"I just want to make things right and I don't think she is going to willingly meet with me again" I close my eyes and drop my head thinking about the last attempt I made. "But maybe she will come for you"

"Okay big brother, I got you. Now beauty sleep. Bye" Mia hangs up.

I stand there in the darkness, afraid. I miss her. I love her. When I think about all the pain I caused her my chest hurts. I feel so much pain, I don't like feeling this way. A solitary tear steams down my cheek.

* * *

**Authors Note:**

**I know short chapter, sorry. I think I did a pretty good job with this CG POV, it came out a lot better then I thought it would. Review! Tell me your thoughts.**


	8. Chapter 8

**Autors Note:**

**This chapter is edited, Just the last part the conversation between Ana and Kate**

* * *

Chapter 8

* * *

"Mia, I don't know. I'm really busy this week," I say as I think of a way to get out of this. Let her down easy, let her down easy, I repeat to myself.

"Come on! Your awesome at this, you know. Ana you have to!" Mia's cheery voice says.

"Mia, just hire a planner. It's so much work, and like I said I'm really busy. I'm sure a planner would know way more then I do," I say as my mind begs her to take the hint and back down. I know why she is doing this, she is doing her brother a favor and trying to create an innocent run in between us.

"Ana! Please! Come on! Even Kate is helping out," Mia says, I can see she isn't going to back down.

I sigh and say, "Fine, e-mail me the details" I can't believe I caved maybe some part of me wants to see him again. But a bigger part of me wants him to suffer.

"YAY! Love ya! This auction is going to be amazing!" Mia squeals ecstatically.

"Mia, like I said, just cause I'm a lit major doesn't mean I'm going to be much help," I say, hoping she might reconsider and let me out of this.

"Yeah don't worry I have a planner for all of that. TTYL Ana" Mia says giggling and hangs up the phone.

I sigh let out a deep breath and toss my phone on my desk. Seriously is Christian this desperate to see me again? I thought I made it pretty clear that I don't think I can ever change the way I feel about him. I really need to talk some things out. My phone pings and I check it and discover a reminder alert about a meeting I have in five minutes. I quickly grab my purse and shove my phone in it and head out my office.

"Hannah, were am I meeting Milan?"

Hannah pops her head out from under the cover of the marble reception desk, smiles and then checks her computer. "15th floor, conference room C"

"Thanks" I make my way to the elevator and ride down to the 15th floor.

Once inside the conference room, I'm greeted by my staff and I shake hands with some prospective moneymaking company heads. Right now their company might take a plunge for the worse so an investment from Steele Inc. is exactly what they need. And if all goes to plan I could stand to make a notable sum of money, or I could stand to loose it. So this meeting is very crucial. After the formalities, we all take our seats and the presentation begins. I try really hard to concentrate on what is going on but my mind keeps wandering to Christian. My inner goddess is having mixed feelings about the situation, on one side she is rooting for him to sweep her off her feet again and finds it cute how hard he is trying to get my attention. And on the other she is angry at him and his controlling sadistic ways. My subconscious on the other hand isn't torn, she is just seething with anger over his actions. I on the other hand am completely lost and feeling a load of emotions I have no idea how to interpret. Maybe is therapist is in order. Then a light blub goes off in my head, why hire a therapist when I have Katherine Kavanagh. I dig my phone out of my purse and open up my messenger app and text Kate.

* * *

**Ana: **Hey, you there? I could use some therapy.

**Kate:** Therapy?! Thts new whts on ur mind?

**Ana:** You know about Mia's action right?

**Kate:** Yea

**Ana:** Well, you know why she is doing it right?

**Kate:** 2 sell books?

**Ana:** No, cause Christian asked her to do it.

**Kate:** y?

**Ana:** We talked a couple days ago.

**Kate:** OMG! And u took this long 2 tell m?

**Ana:** I was busy.

**Kate:** Yeah right…

**Ana:** I'm telling you now aren't I?

**Kate:** CONTINUE THEN!

**Ana:** Well, long story short. I sort of walked out. I heard him out. He gave me answers but they didn't make me happy. He said the reason he became distant was because I became "too submissive"

**Kate:** WTF?

**Ana:** Yeah, I know. Anyways, I think he put Mia up to this trying to get me to talk to him again.

**Kate:** R u going 2?

**Ana:** I don't know.

**Kate:** Wht do u kno? I mean how do u feel?

**Ana:** I feel angry, How DARE he say I became TOO SUMISSIVE?! I did all that shit for him. And that is all he has to say.

**Kate:** Ur right Ana, but… I mean u should hear him out. U kno. U guys can't keep avoiding each othr. Even if u arnt going to b his bestie I suggest u clear the air. For Theo and ur peace of mind.

* * *

I sit there stunned that Kate would say that, the Kate I know would definitely suggest that I inflict some serious pain on Christian. Just then I'm pulled out of my strain of thought and brought back to the meeting. I see a whole room of faces looking at me, waiting eagerly for my response. DAMN IT! I think to myself, even when he isn't here Christian is still a bother. Thankfully Lin takes the spotlight from me and addresses the room. After things have settled down and my embarrassing spacing out moment has been forgotten, I pick up my phone again.

* * *

**Kate:** U thr?

**Kate:** Ana Im sorry I didn't want to piss u off. I just think clearing the air is a good thing.

**Kate:** Ana?

**Ana:** Hey, sorry I'm in a meeting.

**Kate:** A meeting? Is it important?

**Ana:** Yeah, sort of.

**Kate:** Get off the phone Steele, we can talk about this ltr.

**Ana:** Yeah thanks.

**Kate:** GO!

* * *

I stuff my phone in my jacket pocket and pop my head back up to see Lin addressing the room again. The rest of the meeting goes by slowly, and finally after another thirty minutes of completely trying not to thinking about Christian and indirectly thinking about him, the meeting comes to a close. We say or parting remarks shake hands and disperse out of the conference room.

"Ana where is your head today? You're never distracted when you're working. Is everything alright?" Lin says with concern on his face.

"Yeah, everything is fine. Do me a favor write up a summary and the proposal and messenger it to my house. I'll look it over and get back to you later" I say and make my way back to my office in a daze. Maybe Kate is right, I should try to fix things. But I'm sure as hell not going to be best friends with him, I'm still angry as hell for what he put me though. But making nice wont hurt either of us so I'll consider it. Plus I need to square this whole situation away, I'm sick of having Christian on my mind every second of my life. It's starting to interfere with my work.

I head back up to my office, sign a few papers and review a few contracts. After returning a couple of phone calls and negotiating some agreements, I'm heading home in my car. I take the scenic route back to my house. Enjoying the long drive I let my hair down. I turn into my street and drive past the other extravagant suburban homes. Past the palm trees and to the cover of my house.

When inside, I decide I need to relieve some stress. This entire trying not to think about Christian is taking a toll on me. So I decide to go for a run, I quickly change into my running gear and head out the door. The sun is finally going down and the view is beautiful. The sky is shades of orange, pink, and purple. Suddenly I'm torn from my peaceful view and get a view of the grass instead. I turn around on my back, angry at whoever ran into me, ready to give them a piece of my mind when I see a familiar face.

"Fitz?" I say confused, I have been running into him a lot.

"Ana, what are you doing here?" he says beating me to the question.

"I live around here, just out for a jog. How about you?" I ask out of breath.

"No way, I live around here too. In fact that house right there," he points to a large house on top of a hill surrounded by palm trees "here let me help you up" He pulls my up by my hands. "to be honest I just moved in with my brother"

"Oh wow, that's so cool. Were sort of neighbors now" I say surprised.

"Well nice running into you, literally" he laughs "Call me" He winks and dashes off.

Wow I think to myself, I have been running into him a lot. Maybe its fate my inner goddess says prancing around throwing flowers in the air. I laugh and check the time and decide I should head back now. I finally get home out of breath and a mess, make my way upstairs and take a long shower. After the day I had this is exactly what I needed. I change into my pajamas and grab my phone and call Kate.

"Hey Ana, hold on a sec" I hear Eliot's voice in the background and a couple of other people. I hope I'm not interrupting anything. A few seconds later Kate is back on the phone and says, "Sorry, I'm just visiting some people"

"I hope I'm not interrupting. I can call back later," I say not wanting to annoy Kate with my problems.

"No I'm just at Grace's, we are staying over a couple days. Mia invited us," Kate says hesitantly.

"Oh, well Mia is certainly going all out isn't she," I say. "So you really think I should make nice with Christian?"

"Tell me exactly what happened" Kate says.

"Well he wanted to talk, explain things I guess. And He did, he gave me the answers I was looking for. Those answers didn't make me happy. To be honest they enraged me even more. I mean all that shit I did for that man. I tied myself to a cross, literally and figuratively, and sacrificed myself, just so I can make him happy, give him what he needed. But he says I was being too submissive. Why couldn't he just talk to me HIS WIFE! And tell me he was unhappy, maybe we could have fixed things and he could have saved me all this regret!"

"What the hell? You became too submissive?" Kate says surprised. "To be honest Mia talked to me and asked me to try to get you to talk to him again. By the way this is really starting to feel like high school, passing messages, arranging run-ins"

"You think I should forgive him" I ask Kate.

"Hell no! He should suffer for what he did to you!" Kate yells. "But Ana I do think you should clear the air. There is a difference between being strong, standing up for yourself and avoiding the subject, suppressing it, doing that is very unhealthy"

"Kate, he hurt me. It still hurts! I feel like I'm about to boil over sometimes. I just wish I could forget about this whole thing. I wish it never happened. I wish I never met him. I'm not carefree anymore, I'm not the same girl I was. He took that away from me" I say letting out all my anger. "Sometimes I'm grateful, I used to be naïve, now look at me. I'm strong"

"I'm so proud of you, to see how much you have grow Ana. But I'm your best friend and it hurts me to see that you aren't carefree anymore now you're just cold and job oriented. I hate what he has done to you. I just want to see you happy again. I think talking things out and getting over this is what you need. I want you to be both strong and happy, you don't have to sacrifice one side of yourself" Kate says.

"Your right" I say, she is right, "I want this ghost that has been haunting me to go away. I am sick of it. I want to start my life. I want to be that girl again, but I also want to be strong. I don't have any clue how I'm going to achieve that again. It scares me. Is it even possible? I just want to get over this. It's been almost two years of anger and rage. Of feeling humiliated. I think it's about time I let all of that go. But after feeling that way for such a long time I don't know what my life is going to be like without these feelings. Hate is what drove me. Hate, and the sting of betrayal is what made me strong. It's what helped me create my empire. I don't know what comes next Kate"

"I'm always here for you Ana, you know that. I'll tell you what comes next Ana. Anything you freakin want, I know its cliché! But just cause the future scares you doesn't mean you have to wallow in this horrible place your in right now. You're a strong woman, you will figure it out"

"Thanks Kate, you're right I can't just suppress this anymore. I have to deal with it and get over it. Bring it out and then hopefully after everything is sorted out, I can finally move on" I say thankful for my friend. Without her God knows how long I would be suppressing the issue. I want to stand out in the sunlight again, I wont let one man destroy me. I will feel the sun again.

After venting some more with Kate I feel relieved. For the first time in a long time I have a plan. I have a plan to escape the darkness that is haunting me. For the first time in a long time I go to sleep without the weight of pain crushing me. I can see the light, it's far away but I'm going to get there one day. But even with happiness in my sights, sometimes the dark drags me back.

* * *

I'm tied up. I can't move. I can't scream. There is something in my mouth. I struggle against my restraints, but my actions are futile. Where am I? I look around everything is red. I'm in the playroom. I can't move. I want to move, I struggle and slowly sit up. I see someone in the far right corner. I'm scared my heart is pounding out of my chest. I want this to stop. Suddenly the figure turns around. It's Christian. He isn't quite walking toward me but its almost like he is skipping frames coming closer and closer every time. Like in a horror movie. He has a belt in one hand. I know what is coming next. I can't, I can't my heart is beating out of my chest. I can't breathe. I try to scream again but nothing comes out. He is coming closer. I try to scream again but this time is different noise comes out of my mouth.

* * *

I wake up in a panic, and the weight of pain is back. Crushing me. I can't breathe.

* * *

Autors Note:

Why did I edit this chapter? a couple reasons the first chapter wasn't what I wanted to write. I just got overwhelmed by pm's and some reviews saying that Ana was immature for not forgiving Christian ect so in the original Chapter 8 I make her forgiving. But then I thought back. I was writing this to create a strong Ana not one who is going to run back to Christian. Another reason, I got some pm's about how Fitz and Ana shouldn't be together. So I wrote it like she didn't like him. Well long rant short. after receiving another pm -i know it looks like pm's rule my writing- I thought to myself and said, this person is totally correct. I should write what i want. so bump tht. I'm just going to write this story how I want it and not change it to make the readers happy. I know i sound cocky but tbh idc...

Thanks to the great advice of A, I am proud of how i wrote this chapter.


	9. Chapter 9

**IMPORTANT AUTHORS NOTE:**

**for all the readers following my story presently, I updated chapter 8 and changed the talk between Ana and Kate. Go back and read the re-written version, cause I completely changed some important aspects of the story. **

* * *

Chapter 9

* * *

"I'm glad you invited me," Says Fitz in his warm voice.

"I'm glad too," I say as a smile spreads across my face. Fitz and I are hand in hand walking down the rustic library admiring the ancient volumes of books. Mia really did go all out for this. How she got a private collector to donate a few books to charity I will never know. But she can be very persuasive. As cheerful and breezy as I am, there is a part of me that is really anxious and frightened. Tonight is the night I let go of my demons.

We make our way back to the main room where the auction will be taking place and find our seats. The hall is beautiful and keeping in theme with the Victorian gothic style and architecture that the rest of the mansion has. Almost everywhere I turn I see dark polished wood and stunning chandeliers. Natural light flows throughout the rooms and gives an atmosphere of cryptic warmth. Fitz and I sit in the back left corner, that way we can keep talking without disrupting the auction while simultaneously partially pay attention to the bidding. I don't see Christian anywhere and a part of me is glad he isn't here yet, but another part of me wants this to be done and over with.

Fitz sensing my uneasy aura asks, "Are you okay? You seem nervous."

"Yeah I'm fine, just a little nervous, I'm going to be seeing my ex here." I say praying he won't ask me to explain in detail. He doesn't need to know about this shit. I'm starting to really like his company and I'm scared if he finds out about me, he is going to run to the hills. After all I'm basically damaged goods.

"Why are you nervous?" He asks the question I was hoping he would overlook.

"Just have to sort a couple things out with him you know," I say praying he is going to let the matter go.

"Okay, well I'm here for you if you need me" his kind and understanding voice says.

I admire him for being supportive and yet not nosey at the same time. Quickly changing the topic we talk about our favorite authors and books. I explain to him that publishing and writing is my true passion but that whole dream got sidetracked. He is sensitive and thoughtful and listens while I explain my original life plan.

"I was supposed to rise the ranks and find a comfortable job as a publicist and start writing my own novels. By now I dreamt of being on the bestseller lists and living somewhere in New York, sitting in a coffee shop writing my next bestseller. But I guess that didn't happen" I say disappointed that I couldn't become what I wanted but satisfied with where I am now.

"Well why didn't you?" He says, obviously I had a child and I focused more on Theo then my career. Then Christian's controlling bullshit. He never liked me working in the first place and that was a struggle. How can I rise in the ranks and become what I wanted to become by myself if I had a husband who liked to manipulate and control my work atmosphere. I guess I just let go of that dream and let Christian take care of me, and sweep me off my feet and show me the world.

Instead of telling Fitz my sob story I opt for an easier answer, "I guess I got busy with life. It's not like I don't like my work now, I love it. But I still miss my old dream sometimes".

"Why don't you start writing now?" Fitz asks.

Ha about what? I think. The Anastasia Steele sob story. "Yeah right. CEO of Steele Inc. writes a bestseller. I can imagine it now grannies reading my book in their book clubs and saying 'ooooh! this story is quite scandalous'". I say doing my best impression of a seventy year old British woman.

Fitz laughs and I laugh watching him laugh. "No, I'm serious. Do it." He says looking at me with his beautiful emerald green eyes.

I turn around and face the auctioneer "I don't know I guess I just lost the passion for it, you know". After a couple minutes of silence I wonder what happened to Fitz and turn around to face him again. I find fits staring at me with a dumbfound expression. His eyes lost at the sight of me.

I raise and eyebrow and say, "what?" I laugh after a second looking at his face.

"Your beautiful" He says. I laugh even more and when he doesn't stop staring at me. I grab his chin with my fingers and shake his face from side to side and giggle "Stop it" I say.

He grabs my hand and says, "Ana never underestimate yourself, because you're beautiful inside and out. I think you would write an amazing novel"

I feel my self esteem get a boost. I never thought after Christian a man's compliment could make me feel so… high… I feel my heart soar for a second. Then I catch a glimpse of Christian glaring at me with his steel gray eyes. Am I'm dragged back to reality.

* * *

Christian Grey's Point of View.

I see Ana, my Ana, with some flimsy dick. She looks happy, she is glowing. I miss seeing Ana like that. You did that to her. You destroyed her happiness. Now she found it with someone else. You don't know that Grey, he could just be her friend. Her gay friend. I stare holes in their direction. Please don't make this be a date. She can't date anyone, she is mine. Oh wait she isn't yours anymore. Because you screwed her over. You made her leave.

My question about the relationship between Ana and the mystery man is answered when I see him staring at Ana with wonder. I know that look better then any one. I spent countless hours staring at Ana just like that. What stings me even more is when Ana playfully touches his face. That could have been you, I think to myself. You could have been happy with her. But I'm such a stupid motherfucker and I took her for granted.

I hear her beautiful laugh, her giggle. That was a pleasure only reserved for me. It pains me so much to see her with someone else. But I want her to be happy. I pray to God, to whatever supreme power that is out there, the universe, anything, that she could be happy with me again. It's like a knife to my heart when I see him grab her perfect hand. I love seeing Ana carefree and breezy, but I don't want her to be like that with him. I want her to myself. I want my angel back. Grey you're never going to get her back after what you did. You hurt her physically, not to mention all the emotional pain you must have inflicted by staying away. You should have never dragged her into your world.

My fists ball up in anger as I see him tuck her hair behind her ear. I want to beat that man to death with my bare hands. I want to destroy his life. Maybe I could pay him off to never see Ana again. But I don't because I want to see her happy again. Even if it isn't with me Ana deserves happiness.

* * *

Authors Note:

Yes, don't hate me for the Ana + Fitz angle. But it's all apart of my plan to create a Christian + Ana happy ending.


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter 10

* * *

You think there is going to be some amazing moment when you are freed from your demons and step into the light. When you shed the chains that have been holding you back. But it doesn't happen like that does it? You can't just step out into the light, first you have to fight your way out of the darkness.

I stand there staring into the eyes of a man that I hate. Every breath is amplified and every emotion intensified. Today is the day I'm going to let go of that hate and along with that I'm going to let go of my fear and sorrow. He takes a step forward and I take one back. Seeing my reaction, I see agony in his eyes and he falls in his knees.

When something is built up so much in someone's mind the actual experience or affair rarely measures up to the image you have in your head. This great moment of reunification and here I am completely and utterly inarticulate, speechless, dumbfounded and thoroughly overwhelmed.

Christian is still on his knees, his head dropped. I don't know what comes next. "Look at me" I finally speak in the strongest voice I can muster up. He doesn't react, he doesn't move. I close my eyes and sink to my knees in front of him. "Look at me" I say in a firm tone. When he shows no intention of moving, I reach forward and pull his head up by his hair. If he is to cowardice to face me I will make him. "Look at me, NOW!" his eyes look into mines now and tears begin to stream out of them. "No, no, you don't get to do that" I say my hand still having a good grip of his hair, I pull hard. He closes his eyes, "if anyone gets to cry its me". I forcefully let go of his hair and push his head to the side.

"I'm sorry" He speaks his voice full of anguish and sorrow. I believe his apology is sincere, I truly believe it is genuine and heartfelt. But I do not accept it. I don't want to accept it. I have been hurt too much to forgive him in an instant. I have suffered too much for his words to console me, and make everything better. He opens his eyes and once again looks into mine. Seeking my face for an answer, a reaction, anything.

"I know" I say getting tired of kneeling I shift to a more comfortable position and lean against the dark wood of the mansion. I stare out the beautifully crafted Victorian style bay windows. "What now?" I don't know what is supposed to happen now. I don't even think Christian, one who is never easily speechless, knows what comes next. I wrap my arms around my knees and move my eyes and rest them on Christian who is still kneeling before me. "Christian, I want to get over this. I'm sick of still living in the past"

"It pains me to think of everything I did to you" Christian says in his gravelly voice.

"You hurt me, it's done, I wish I could forget it, but I can't" I take in a deep breath and continue "you broke my heart, you left me all alone. As sincere as your apology is, you can understand why I can't accept it just yet."

"I know" he says his grey eyes still staring into mines. "How's Theo?"

"Still the same, he adores you"

Christian drops his head and says, "I don't deserve to be adored"

"Don't say that, you're a good father," I say, he is a good father, he just wasn't a good husband. No, I mustn't lie, he was a good husband. Up until the moment he changed and went back into the darkness, went back to her.

"If they knew what I did to you, they would—"

"They will never know" I say, to the rest of our families Christian will be an upright man. The Greys and my mother, stepfather, Ray, and my son will never know any of this. "Everyone except me, you, and Kate thinks and will think we split up because we grew apart and out of love" The truth is too painful and harsh.

"Why would you do that for me? Keep my secret after everything I did" He looks at me confused.

"I don't want to hurt them, I think there has been enough hurt for once". I close my eyes and ask a question that has been on my mind for a while now. "Do you still see her?" The look on his face confirms that he knows who the her I'm referring to is.

"No, she destroyed me" I hear him breathe in "Us. I haven't seen her since you left"

"You liked to talk to her more then you liked to talk to me?" Christian is silent. I can't bear his silence anymore. I lift my head to face him, he is still staring at me.

"I knew her for so long Ana, she made me. When things got rough I ran to my maker, that was wrong. I see that now" I can hear the guilt and remorse in his voice. I can see it in his face and in his eyes.

"It's a bit late, but I'm glad you acknowledge that," That's all I can say. I feel numb inside, I don't feel anger, or guilt, or sadness. I feel nothing.

After a couple minutes of silence Christian says, "Are you going to come to my Birthday celebration? Its in a couple weeks." After a long silence he continues "It would make Theo happy"

"Sure" I say in a lifeless tone. I don't know what to feel right now. I don't know what to think. My mind is like an empty vacuum. I finally snap myself out of my daze and stand up. Christian mirroring my actions gets up. "I should go"

I make my way toward the door and open it. But before I can leave Christian says "do you think we can ever fix things?"

"Yes, to an extent" I leave seconds after the words come out of my mind and the tears start to flow out of my eyes.

To get to get to the light you have to first fight your way out of the darkness. This just doesn't happen in one big great and victorious battle. It happens in many small ones. And I can say to myself that today I gained a victory. But whose to say what tomorrow might bring.

* * *

Authors Note:

I think this is my shortest chapter yet. I would have made it longer but its currently 3:58Am and i really didn't want to continue writing. I started this chapter around 12am, I blame Game of Thrones I was multitasking when I wrote this one. Hope you guys enjoy.


	11. Chapter 11

Chapter 11

* * *

After my intense conversation with Christian I feel better overall, but at the same time I feel horrible. The numbness is no longer there and it's replaced by adrenaline, my heart is pumping. I race to the nearest bathroom and barricade myself inside a stall and let everything out. I sit there for a good ten minutes and cry. I let everything out and after I feel much better afterwards. I take a couple deep breaths and make my way out of the stall. I splash some water on my face, and reapply some lip gloss and touch up my makeup. After staring myself in the mirror for a couple moments I give in and realize that this is as good as its going to get and I leave. I walk back down the corridors of the beautiful mansion and down the staircase. I still see a couple people roaming around admiring the architecture of the house after the auction. I look around trying to spot Fitz in the group, I finally spot him talking to a couple of people on the far side of the room. But before I can go over to him Mia stops me.

"Hey! Ana! I haven't seen you in person in such a long time. God you look great" Mia grabs my arm and forces me to spin. "Gosh Ana, you look awesome". Out of nowhere Mia hugs me and I awkwardly hug her back.

"It's great to see you too Mia," I did miss Mia, even though she is a lot to handle at times. I love her lively free spirit.

"We have to hang out more, just cause you and Christian aren't together anymore doesn't mean we don't miss you. You're family Ana, and you always will be. No matter what," Mia says with a big bright smile on her face.

"Thanks Mia, I miss you guys too," With that said Mia hugs me again and is dragged away by an admirer.

I make my way though the room to Fitz, and catch him engaged in conversation with a group of literary scholars. When he notices my arrival, he smiles and excuses himself and walks me over to a more private corner of the room.

"Everything alright Ana?" He asks.

"Yeah, everything is great. Sorry I had to leave you alone, I just had to sort some things out," I apologize for leaving him to go talk to my ex. It was rude of me to ditch him.

"All good Ana, I really enjoyed watching the boring old rich people bid on books" He says, gosh I feel horrible. I shouldn't have invited him. He puts his hand on my shoulder and says, "Hey, I'm kidding. I actually had a lot of fun. Met some new people, discussed some books" He says and smiles.

I swat his shoulder with my hand and say, "That's great, for a second there you made me really feel like an asshole, you know."

"Ouch," He jokes.

"Oh please, I didn't even hit you that hard," I smile and stick my tongue out at him. Before I know it I feel his lips on mines and his hand in my hair. I stand there stunned for a second, then kiss him back. I don't feel the fireworks, I don't feel the amazing sparks I always felt with Christian. But this kiss is different. It's sweet and warm. I feel like a teenager again, kissing her first boyfriend. It's different. And I think I like it, I think. After a second I pull back realizing we are in public, and look him in the eyes.

Before I can say anything, I feel a tap on my shoulder and I turn around to see who it is. "KATE!" I grab my best friend and hug her.

"Ana, I can't breathe. Your cutting off my circulation," Kate says in a chocked voice. I let her go and I look at my friend. I haven't seen her in such a long time, she looks different, older, mature, sophisticated. She still looks stunning like a Barbie doll, she was always perfect. "Oh, and who is this handsome hunk of yum?"

"Hello, I'm Fitzgerald Blake" He extends his hand and Kate shakes it giving me a wink.

"I'm Katherine Kavanagh, the best friend," Kate says.

"So you're the Kate I have heard so much about," Fitz says smiling at her.

"The one and only, so what do you do?" Kate asks, uh oh the Katherine Kavanagh Inquisition.

"Fitz is a reporter with the LA times," I answer Kate's question.

"Yes but don't worry I'm off duty right now," he says chuckling.

"You better be, I don't want anyone messing with my Ana" Kate says in a serious tone, but her facial expression is completely friendly. I find it touching how much Kate cares about me.

"So this is where you get the threatening thing from Ana" Fitz says with a smile.

"I guess so," I say, laughing. Me, Kate and Fitz spend the rest of the afternoon talking. Kate suggests we go get lunch and we do at a quiet Italian place. I can still see that Kate is skeptical of Fitz and is trying to protect me, but she is overall friendly towards him. She digs a little into his past and family. And I discover a couple things I didn't know about him. His parents are separated and his father is currently on wife number six, his mother is a baker and runs a pretty successful business on the Upper East Side back in New York. I can relate to his situation, because my parents are separated as well and my mom does have a knack at finding husbands. After a couple hours of talking and drinking good wine. Kate decides to take off. But not before she drags me to a corner and makes me promise to call her and tell her everything that happened. After Kate's departure Fitz and me talk a little more and finally decide to leave. Him being the gentleman he is insists on paying the bill and we leave in his car. We listen to some music and we even sing along doing a duet. I can't stop laughing and soon I'm out of breath. He pulls up in front of the gate of my house and I realize I don't have my keys along with the gate remote. I must have left them inside.

"Damn it, I have to enter the code the box is over there," I point and Fitz maneuvers the car in front of the security box. I try to stretch over him to enter the code, but my arms are not long enough. I unbuckle my seat belt, and get on my knees and lean over Fitz holding onto his shoulder for support and stick my hand out the window and enter my security code. I sit back down straighten up and he drives me up to the front door of my home.

"Well that was nice," He says. I wonder weather he is talking about the evening, the kiss, or my close up with him earlier in the car.

"It was, I had a really great time," I say as he leans towards me. I lean towards him and kiss him. Kissing Fitz is defiantly different from kissing Christian. With Christian it was always raw primal passion, heat, and electricity surging though our bodies. But kissing Fitz is soft, caring, and gentle. When I kiss Fitz its just a simple beautiful kiss. With Christian it would always lead up to something, if Christian were in the car with me it wouldn't just be a kiss, he would probably take me right here right now. But with Fitz it's tame and pleasant. I don't know which I enjoy more, but kissing Fitz is defiantly different and I kind of like it. We pull back and look into each others eyes. I'm the first to break the silence, "would you like to come in?"

Fitz shakes himself out of his trance and says, "I would love to, but I can't I have to finish this article". I'm disappointed but glad at the same time, this dating another man thing is new to me. And I'm already starting to feel a little overwhelmed. I need to sort out some new feelings. We say our goodbyes and I go inside and plop myself on the sofa.

This is definitely something new. I never had these feelings for any man except Christian. I'm starting to like Fitz. These feelings feel foreign when felt in relation to Fitz. It's not the same as Christian though. With Christian It was always sexual and passionate. But with Fitz it's more like a high school crush. I don't want to tare of his clothes. I just like being around him and talking to him. I like his company. I sit back and think these things through; maybe I'm finally starting to get over Christian. That last thought scares me a lot, getting over Christian… I don't like it… but at the same time I think I do.

* * *

Authors Note:

Yes, omg I can't believe she kissed Fitz, ahh. Now Christian and Ana are never going to get together. Blah blah blaaah. SHHHH GUYS! don't worry this is a hea story and even though you can't see C&A together right now, i can, you have to believe me and let me take you guys through this journey. I mean its been 2 years its natural for Ana to start to move on. I mean you do guys really want her to start running back to Christian. I don't. Don't worry you will have your happy ending. other then the "i hate you for making her kiss Fitz" what did you think about this chapter?

XOXO -A


	12. Chapter 12

Chapter 12

* * *

**Anastasia Steele Seen With Sexy New Mystery Man**

_Spotted!_ Billionaire businesswoman Anastasia Steele relaxing at the beach with a sexy new mystery man. Our hearts were broken when out favorite it couple Anastasia and Christian broke up two years ago. Since then our favorite girl has grown up and created her very own business empire. Constantly making headlines in the business section, her personal life has been hush hush ever since the split with Christian Grey. Now spotted at the beach with a new man, Anastasia has been making headlines left and right in the tabloids. It's not surprising that Anastasia after two years has finally decided to move on, and may I say her choice of guy is great. The hunk she has been spotted with is looking damn fine and sexy glistening in his swim trunks. The only question is who is he? Even though the reason for the Christian/Anastasia split is still a secret, there is no doubt that Christian Grey will be just as intrigued as we are. And maybe even jealous.

**Run Anastasia Run**

Anastasia Steele and her new mystery man, now identified as Fitzgerald Blake, go running together. EVERY MORNING! Fitzgerald Blake a LA Times reporter. Know best for his articles on fashion and other star-studded events is definitely no Christian Grey. However his humanitarianism and six pack have us rooting for him. The adorable couple were photographed running on multiple occasions looking like Barbie and Ken. I wonder what other activities they do together to keep in shape… ;) As always E news will keep you posted.

**It Couple Seen Together At A Regatta Gala **

Fitzgerald Blake and Anastasia Steele, LA's new favorite couple attended a regatta gala this weekend where they were photographed embracing. Looking stunning, as always Anastasia Steele seems to be taking the social limelight with confidence.

**Anasitz**

Anastasia + Fitzgerald = Anasitz. Our new favorite couple deserves a great nickname. Over the past couple weeks Anastasia and Fitzgerald have been spotted several times doing the usual cliché couple things. It seems like these two can't get enough of each other. Anastasia was even seen accompanying Fitzgerald to an office party. How sweet.

**Knight And Shining Fitzgerald**

Last night Anastasia Steele and Fitzgerald Blake walking to their car after a night of drinking and dancing were ambushed by paparazzi. Ms. Steele was separated from her bodyguard and was cornered by one, Sherman Ives paparazzo, he perused Anastasia and hassled and verbally harassed her for quotes. Fitzgerald Blake, my new favorite hero, told the gentleman to back off and when he didn't and decided to get physical. Blake punched him. The paparazzo after getting clocked in the face backed off, but not before the whole incident was caught on camera. Fitzgerald with a concern stricken look is seen attending to the startled Anastasia. So our favorite reporter has a sexy heroic side. Yummy, Anastasia sure hit the mother lode, smart, sexy and strong. I have already forgotten about Christian Grey. GO FITZGERALD BLAKE.

* * *

Christian Grey Point Of View

I have been trying my best to respect Anastasia's privacy and personal life by not meddling but I can't hold back anymore. Fuck this, fuck what Flynn said. I toss the tabloid on the table and grab my phone.

"Barney, get me everything you can on Fitzgerald Blake. I want to know everything from when he wakes up to whether he wears boxers or briefs. I don't give a fuck. No detail is unimportant. Understand!" After yelling into the phone. I hang up and toss the phone on the bed.

I take a deep breath and run my fingers through my hair over and over again. Until I realize that if I keep this up I'll be bald soon. Letting myself go I fall on the bed, the silk sheets cool against my bare back. I think back to the good days when me and Ana would just lie in bed sometimes, not talking, not thinking, just enjoying each others embrace. She would trace the muscles on my chest with her index finger. I close my eyes and remember my fingers in her hair, her hair smelt amazing like summer and flowers. In fact she smelt fucking amazing everywhere. I remember stroking her soft skin smooth skin. I miss the feeling of her body next to mines. I miss waking up tangled with her. I miss her smile, her eyes, her giggle, I miss her smart mouth.

Now she is with some other fucker. I have to make sure that he isn't just using her. I have to make sure he is a normal decent guy. I don't want her with someone like me. Flynn specifically told me not to pry into her personal life, and to keep my hands off fucking Fitzgerald Blake. And for the past four weeks I have. It took everything inside me not to have him deported, or paid off, or even worse killed. But after seeing their faces plastered over every single newsstand is Seattle I can't restrain myself anymore. I need control, and even if I can't control her personal life. I have to make sure she is with a normal man. She deserves normal after me. If she can't find happiness with me maybe this limp dick can give it to her. The only two satisfactions I will get from them being together is knowing Ana is happy and that he will never measure up to me in bed.

Thinking about Ana with another man. A topic introduced to me when I read a tabloid article lead me to put a hole in the wall. I never thought Ana could be with another man, she was always mine and I took that for granted. I can't imagine anyone defiling and staining my beautiful pure white Anastasia. I prayed with every ounce of faith, hope, whatever inside me that my Ana will remain mine forever.

You're a fucking idiot Grey. You had something beautiful and you destroyed it. The last time Ana and I spoke almost over a month now, she told me there was a chance that we could fix things. I hope she was telling the truth. Because I don't think I can take anymore hurt. These days I wish I could close my eyes and end all the pain I feel. I don't like feeling a sting every time I think about her. Flynn tells me I can end it. I simply have to let her go and move on. But I can't let her go, I will fight for her till my heart stops beating.

* * *

Author's Note:

How do you think I did with the Christian Grey POV? Do you like this chapter? please review to let me know. Thanks. Sorry for the short chapter.


	13. Chapter 13

Chapter 13

* * *

Christian Grey Point of View

I stare at the computer screen scrolling thought my e-mails until I find the one I have been waiting for. I click it open and read intently.

* * *

Fitzgerald Blake General Background Information:

General:

Age: 42

DOB: August 16, 1971

Place of Birth: New York

Academic Career:

Graduated: Columbia

Post Graduate Work: Yale

Major: Literature

Parents:

Mother: Mellie Blake

Father: Jerry Blake

Marital Status: Separated

Previous Long Term Relationships/Partners:

1992: Verna Thronton. Duration of Relationship: 2 years

2005: Abby Whelan. Duration of Relationship: 4 years

Career:

Previous Positions:

New York Post, International/Global News Writer

New York Times, Assistant to Chief Sports Editor

New York Times, Assistant Editor to White House Correspondence Writer

Boston Times, Style and Celebrity Gossip Editor

Los Angeles Times, Style and Celebrity Events Writer

Positions Applied for and Declined:

New York Times, Chief Writer Business Fold

Chicago Times, Chief Writer Business Fold

Boston Times, Chief Writer Business Fold

Los Angeles Times, Chief Writer Business Fold

Arrest and Crime Record: Clean

Overall General Assessment:

Mr. Grey in my opinion Fitzgerald Blake is not a treat. He is a clean character over all. However per your request I will continue to dig into his past and if anything suspicious comes up I will let you know.

Barney.

* * *

I stare the computer screen hopelessly. I guess I was hoping the bastard would have some kind of relationship wrecking secret I could show Ana, and that she would dump him. But the only flaw the son of a bitch seems to have is not being able to get a job in the business fold of the Times. I truly do want Ana to be happy, but it is very difficult. I want her happiness to be because of me. But I am no longer the selfish Christian Grey I used to be. I just want to make sure she is with someone who is not trying to exploit her for a story, and from all appearances Fitzgerald Blake is as good as it gets. No matter how much it pains me, I guess I'm going to have to learn to live with it. If I cant heal her maybe he can.

* * *

Anastasia Steele Point of View

The last couple weeks have been refreshing, carefree and fun. They seemed to just fly by, here I was enjoying myself and I barely saw what was coming. In 2 days Theo and I are flying out to Seattle for Christian's Birthday Celebration. Knowing the Grey's it will probably be something over the top. I shouldn't be worried Christian will probably be busy greeting many friends, business associates and admirers. This will effectively leave no space for any awkwardness between us. I'm contemplating even going at all, but I did say I would, and I don't want to go back on my word. Plus I know Theo is looking forward to it. Even since I told him I would be coming with him, he has been overall happier. I guess the prospect of his parents being friends lightened his mood.

This thought brings me to a more serious question. Could I be friends with Christian? Maybe, sure. I guess my time with Fitz is responsible for my answer. After spending time with him, I'm more relaxed. I don't spend my time thinking about the negative experiences in my life. I don't spend my time blaming Christian. I spend my time looking at the future, at the positives. Whatever happened, happened in the past. I can't change it, or fix it all I can do is try to move on. Over time the scar will get smaller. It will never completely disappear but it will be easier to live with. I guess I'm finally starting to move on and let go of the pain from my past. So being Christian's friend, as foreign and weird as the concept sounds, is a possibility. Not best friends or close friends, but two people who can be in the same room with one another without one wanting to physically hurt the other. Being with Fitz has certainly mellowed me out. I let go of all the anger I had towards Christian, I finally realized that I was hurting myself by holding on to it.

I open my eyes, let out a breath and look at the clock. Its 1:11am. I fling my duvet to the side and get out of bed. I can't sleep. Why is it that only in middle of the night does my brain choose to light up with thoughts? I walk over to my dresser and check my phone. I see a couple of work e-mails and an e-mail from Mia about Christian's party. I unlock my phone and open the e-mail.

* * *

Hey Ana,

Hope you're still coming, cause if not I'll personally drag you here. The party is going to be black tie, super fancy so wear something over the top stunning. Preferably something not pink because then you will be clashing with me. Oh! And don't wear lace or orange cause then you will be clashing with Kate. I don't want us to look like twins, because there will be a lot of pictures. As for the other details I'm going to keep those a secret. But tip for the wise. Wear something you can move in easily and waterproof your makeup. ;) See you tomorrow, remember you promised to come down early so we can hit some stores.

Mia

* * *

I quickly type her back a reply.

* * *

Hey Mia,

Yes Mia I'm going Theo and I are getting on the plane tomorrow around 2 and it's like a 2 hour flight so we will be there around 4:30. I'm sorry I can't fly out in the morning I have a couple loose ends to tie up with work, after that I'm all yours all weekend. I'll text you when I'm there.

Ana

Sent from my iPhone

* * *

After I send the e-mail, I decide to text Kate.

* * *

Anastasia Steele: Hey

Katherine Kavanagh: Do you know what time it is?

Anastasia Steele: Yeah… why?

Katherine Kavanagh: You woke me up.

Anastasia Steele: Oh! Shit! I'm sorry.

Katherine Kavanagh: Whats up?

Anastasia Steele: Nothing, go back to sleep.

Katherine Kavanagh: Text me tomorrow, your still coming right?

Anastasia Steele: Yeah, why does everyone keep asking me that?

Katherine Kavanagh: Because it's Christian's Birthday. Key word being Christian.

Anastasia Steele: Bye…

Katherine Kavanagh: LOL! You mad bro? Call me tomorrow! You have been keeping your little fling with Fitz all hush hush for weeks now, I give up waiting for you to tell me. So now I'm just going to force it out of you. Bye. Go to sleep. Why are you always awake? Don't answer that. Just close your eyes.

* * *

I sigh at the phone. Here comes the Katherine Kavanagh Inquisition. I knew it would come sooner or later. It's a miracle she held out for this long. I plug my phone back into the charger and place it on my dresser and walk over to where Christian's gift sits. I still haven't wrapped it. I got it a couple weeks ago at the regatta gala I went to. I wasn't planning on getting him anything special but when I saw it, I just had to get it for him. It's an antique Japanese ship in a bottle from the 1860's. According to the seller it has British origins and is one of a kind. I know how much Christian loves boats so I thought it was very him. It set me back about two thousand dollars, but then again I am in the top ten richest in the United States now. I take a close look at the ship sitting all lonely and isolated in the bottle. I wonder how the person made something so magnificent, in a cheap bottle of rum. Who ever made it is clearly amazing and talented. I examine every miniature post and flag and color of the miniature Japanese vessel. It's a beautiful piece of work, and to think it survived almost two hundred years. I carefully place the bottle back on its stand and make my way back to the bed. I grab the remote to the air conditioner and lower the temperature. One of the things I hate about LA, the unbearable heat. I get under my covers and I finally feel sleep coming over me. I relax and yawn, closing my eyes, I'm transported into the bizarre and cryptic world of dreams. That night I dream about ships, dark eyes, and ropes. Lots and lots of ropes.

* * *

Authors Note:

Typing this chapter up at 1 in the morning was not fun. But I did it for you guys. In my opinion the next couple chapters are going to be fun to write. This was just a chapter that needed to be written for the story to flow right. What do you guys think? 2:05AM i think i should go to sleep now. BYEEE. Thanks for reading.

-A


	14. Chapter 14

Chapter 14

* * *

I run around my room in frenzy, trying to pack everything I need quickly. I'm already late for my flight. The perks of owning a private jet, take off is when you say it is.

"Kate, are we seriously going to do this right now?" I ask while folding a couple pairs of pajamas and stuffing them into my suitcase. I make my way over to my dresser and open first two draws and grab my most important cosmetics and throw them into my makeup bag.

"Come on, I'm your best friend and it hurts me to know you don't trust me with your secrets" Kate says in her best sad voice.

I roll my eyes, as I zip up my makeup bag and toss it on the bed. I grab my phone and walk over to the closet and toss it on a shelf and decide what clothes to pack. "Seriously, you're going to play it like that?" I ask.

"Fine, fine. You don't have to tell me. You can spill whenever you're ready" Kate's affectionate voice says. I appreciate her decision to give me some space, and decide to tell her about what is going on between Fitz and I.

"Okay fine, nothing is going on. Really! I just enjoy spending time with him. He is sweet and nice and fun to hang around with. It's relaxing to be around him. I have fun when I'm with him" I say bracing myself for Kate's comments and questions.

"Did you sleep with him yet?" Kate's question shocks me. Well that didn't take long. I didn't think she would ask me directly like that. But then again why am I surprised it's Kate.

"No, I didn't" I say, choosing to pick comfortable clothes for the weekend. I grab a couple pairs of jeans and t-shirts and toss them on top of my suitcase. Then I walk over to my impressive collection of shoes and pick out a pair of black Jimmy Choos and my favorite pair of Louboutins and stuff them in my bag.

"Why not?" Kate asks.

"I don't know" I say.

"He is hot, you're hot. Whats the problem?!" Kate asks.

"I don't know" I say, zipping my suitcase up and putting it on the ground.

"Are you not attracted to him? And if you say I don't know one more time I will loose it" Kate says.

I grab my phone from the closet and walk over to the bed and fall back. I exhale and sort of regret agreeing to talk to Kate about this, but whats done is done. "I am, have you not seen him?" Fitz is hot, I mean really hot.

"So?" Kate asks impatiently.

"Don't you think it's a bit soon?" I ask. "We only known each other for like three weeks" I say.

"It's the 21st century" Kate says.

"I don't know. I probably will, I just don't think I'm right there now" I sit up and open my eyes. "You know what I mean?"

"I guess, have you at least kissed him?" Kate teases.

"Obviously…" I say. I think back to all the times me and Fitz kissed. They were really good kisses. "Every time I kiss him I feel young. Like I'm in high school and we are stealing kisses in some staircase" I say laughing.

"Is that a good thing?" Kate asks.

"Yeah it's a great thing" I say smiling. "But I end up comparing everything we do with my experiences with Christian and it's… different"

"Well that's normal. Christian was a pretty huge part when it came to discovering your sexuality. So you're obviously going to think about him" Kate says. "So who is better?" Sometimes I wonder why I'm still surprised by Kate's directness.

"When I kiss Fitz its innocent. When I used to kiss Christian It would always lead up to something. That is all I'm going to say about the topic," I say getting up from my bed and walking over to my door. I pick up the white bag that Ella dropped off. In it is my dress for the party. I unzip the bag to reveal a short skintight strapless dress with a sheer black removable train. The train isn't like a proper full sized wedding dress train but it's a partial train leaving the whole front part of my dress uncovered. The dress itself without the train is covered with gold sequins. It reminds me of something a teenager would wear to prom. Not something a middle-aged woman would wear. It has a low cut sweetheart neckline and came with a pair of black lace gloves. "OMG" I say.

"What?" Kate says.

"The dress this woman got me" I say. "I was hoping for something more classy and formal" I say disappointed. Ella has always outdone herself when it came to picking my event outfits, but this time I don't know.

"What does it look like?" Kate asks and I snap a picture of the dress with my phone and send it to Kate.

"I just texted you, look"

"I LOVE IT!" Kate screams. "It's so fun! It's positively not you though. That's what makes it great. Your always so professional and classy and blah" Kate says.

"Thanks… Thanks a lot it's nice to know I'm blah" I say my voice dripping with sarcasm.

"You know what I mean. Wear it! Come on. You will look so fantastically hot and super young!"

"Ehhh I don't know" I say reluctantly.

"Come on get off your high horse, miss fancy pants" Kate laughs. "Mia is going to love it!"

"Yeah because Mia is all glitter and sparkles," I say laughing. I would be surprised if Mia's outfit didn't have sparkles on it.

"Listen I have to go, so do you. Get your ass on that plane" Kate says and hangs up.

I walk over to my dress and zip it up again and grab the white bag and suitcase and head out of my room. "Theo lets go!" I scream in the direction of his room. We make our way to the car where Jake is waiting and he drives as to the airport, past the gate towards the private jet hangers. We board our plane a half past two. Geez Mia is going to kill me. I quickly text her and turn off my phone.

About two and half hours later I'm in Seattle, stepping off my jet with Theo. We are driven to the hotel where I unpack and Theo and I part ways. Theo is going to spend some time with his dad and the Grace's while I spend some quality time with Mia. Just as I'm about to retire to my room, Theo walks up to me and hugs me. Sometimes I can't believe how tall he has gotten. Towering at least half a foot above me, I look up into his eyes with a confused expression.

"Thanks for coming mom" He says, his grateful voice and eyes almost brings me to tears.

"Anything for you lovely boy" I say and pull him into another hug until I finally realize I have to let him go. "Have a good time with your grandparents" I say and smile.

"Will do" He says and walks towards the door. I can't believe how much he has grown physically and emotionally. I still remember my tiny little boy, I remember when I used to have to kneel down to look him in the eyes. Now it's me who has to look up. It feels like just a couple seconds ago that him and I were playing hide and seek. And instead of finding my miniature little boy I find a grown up teenager. What happened to the time? I walk towards my room door in a daze and toss my dress on the bed. I walk back out to the living room with my phone in hand and text Mia that I have arrived. Just as I am about to plop myself down on the lush sofa I hear a knock on the door.

I walk over to the door and open it to find one of my best friends standing outside.

"ETHAN!" Kate's brother Ethan and I have grown closer over the years and I consider him in my elite group of trusted friends. "What are you doing here?"

"I'm staying here, Kate texted me. So I thought I would come up and say hey" He says smiling.

"Come in" I say stunned I haven't seen Ethan in forever. We walk over to the couch and sit down.

"Wow Ana you're loaded" he says looking around my hotel room.

"I heard you're doing pretty well too" I say laughing.

"Yep, career is going well these days. I can't say the same about my personal life though" He says leaning his elbows on his knees looking down. Last I heard about Ethan he and Mia were together.

"What happened with Mia?" I ask not wanting to pry.

"Ehh, we were on and off for a while. Now we are mostly off," He says lifting up his head. Putting on a smile he says "Hey well that's not important. How are things going with you?"

Taking the hint, I move off the topic of Mia towards more comfortable and less awkward ground. "Can't complain, like you said I'm loaded now" I laugh. We talk for about a half an hour, about our lives and how so much has changed. There is something different about Ethan but I can't seem to put my finger on it. He seems sad. But it's not my place to be digging around in. I just hope he is okay. My phone pings with a text message from Mia saying she is waiting outside.

"Hey Ethan, I have to go. I promised Mia to go shopping with her, and she is outside" I say standing up grabbing my purse and slipping on my heels.

"It was great seeing you Ana, you look great. Age has definitely been kind to you," he says.

"Right back at you Kavanagh" I give him a quick hug and we part ways in the elevator. I ride down all the way to the first floor. Walk past the lobby and towards the huge glass doors. I can see Mia relaxing outside in a bright red convertible. The weather today is fantastic. The usually rainy Seattle is bright, hot and sunny today. I hope this weather holds out for the long weekend. I can't stand the gloomy wet fog of Seattle. I walk past the glass doors held open by the doorman and smile at Mia. She is wearing black jeans and an orange tank top with black sunglasses.

"AHHH!" Mia screeches! "ANA! Looking sexy" I laugh and get into the other side of the convertible. As soon as I'm in Mia engulfs me into a huge hug and says "I'm so happy you're here!"

"Me too. Its great to see you" I say as I put on my seat belt and Mia pulls out from the front of the hotel into traffic. She drives fast and with the wind blowing in our hair we are soon at the mall. As we get out of the car and walk into the huge building. I look at Mia who has been quieter then usual. She is still sparkly and cheerful but something is definitely off.

"Okay so I thought we could go find some really cute bikini's. Then I need to find a pair of shoes for the party" Mia says.

"Great. I can never have to many bikini's I live in LA after all" I laugh.

Mia and I have a great time, shopping, trying on about a billion different things. To me shopping is usually really boring, but Mia makes it fun. After I purchase two new bikini's and Mia chooses her shoes after trying on about ten pairs. We decide to get some dinner. As we chit chat about our lives and eat pasta. My sense that something is off gets stronger. Playing a hunch I causally mention Ethan's presence today. "Hey Mia, did you know Ethan is staying at my hotel? I saw him today, he looks great"

My hunch was correct Mia's mood certainly does have something to do with Ethan. Mia almost chocks on her mouthful of pasta. "No I didn't know that".

Out of concern I debate over weather I should change the topic or talk to her about it. I don't want to pry, but maybe talking things out will make her feel better. It defiantly helped me when it came to Christian. "Hey, Mia. You know you can talk to me about anything right. I certainly have experience when it comes to this. For the past two years I have been living in a daze of work and sulking in my past. But after I talked things over it really helped me. Look at me now I'm actually enjoying my life and laughing," Before Mia could say anything with her shocked expression I say "Listen I don't want to pry, but I just want to let you know I'm here"

Before Mia says anything her expression softens and she exhales "Oh Ana, I haven't seen Ethan in almost a year now. I'm going to see him tomorrow. I don't know what to do"

Mia and I talk about her on and off relationship with Ethan and her fears about running into him tomorrow at the party. I try to put her mind to rest by telling her that Ethan seemed a little off too when I talked to him before. And that she should talk to him and work things out. I use my experience with Christian as an example. And she thanks me for my advice. After talking thinks out Mia returns to her cheerful self. Over the top Mia, she always brings fun and energy into people's lives I hope she never changes.

After dinner she drops me off at the hotel and I make my way up to my room. I pop my head into Theo's room to find him knocked out cold on his bed. I smile at the image of my sleeping son and make my way to my room. I change and shower thinking over the last couple weeks and all that has changed. I'm seeing Fitz something I never thought was possible. Another man in my life seemed like a foreign concept after Christian but after talking things out I feel like I can finally move on. I'm talking to Kate again, like really talking to her. About my life and everything. I'm talking to Mia again, I feel welcome in the Grace/Grey family again. Even thought I haven't seen Carrack and Grace in such a long time I'm not as nervous as I was about seeing them tomorrow. I'm not even nervous about seeing Christian tomorrow. I feel like in almost two years I'm completely relaxed. Even Theo is happier, seeing me and the rest of the family interact. I can't believe how much I'm changing and it's only been such a short period of time. I get under the covers and close my eyes. I'm so much happier now. Just a month ago I was a depressed workaholic mess, now I'm happy. Maybe I'm finally starting to heal.

* * *

What do you guys think? REVIEW! Thanks for reading hope you enjoyed.

-A


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